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by solange_lol



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Jiper, M/M, Mentions of alchohol, Swearing, Theyna - Freeform, caleo - Freeform, chat au, cursing, fierrochase, frazel - Freeform, jasper - Freeform, percabeth, pjo chat au, pjo chat fic, solangelo, some adult topics, what am i saying every other sentence is an innuendo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-22 03:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 15,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12472584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solange_lol/pseuds/solange_lol
Summary: a slowly-updated pjo college au text fic with mostly no plot and mainly my random thoughts





	1. introducing the spice girls

**Author's Note:**

> hi some people on tumblr (it's @solange-lol if you want to follow me c; ) asked if i would post the completely random chat story I would randomly type onto when I can't think correctly so heres that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a thing that some people on tumblr wanted me to post whoops follow me @solange-lol

**4:19 pm**

 

 _Wisegirl to_ **_friendos_ **

 

Wisegirl: ahsughinx

 

Valdezinator: !! annabeth keyboard slammed !!

 

Wisegirl: I met my new roommate and

 

Wisegirl: guys she’s _cool_

 

GhostKing: how cool?

 

Valdezinator: Me cool?

 

Wisegirl: no, like

 

Wisegirl: _cool_ cool

 

GhostKing: very specific, Annabeth

 

Smolace: Me cool??

 

GhostKing: will youre not cool either

 

Smolace: ;( I’m breaking up with you

 

Wisegirl: If I was to rate her on a scale of our friends, then I’d say she’s a mix of Nico and Calypso cool

 

Valdezinator: :O

 

Valdezinator: woa

 

Valdezinator: thats pretty chilly

 

Wisegirl: !! I know !!

 

Wisegirl: she wears a lot of black

 

Wisegirl: but she’s super smart

 

Wisegirl: and she can sing & act & play piano

 

Wisegirl: and

 

Wisegirl: she has blue hair !!

 

Smolace: wowie

 

Smolace: sounds like my kind of girl

 

Bluefood: me too

 

Valdezinator: me three

 

GhostKing: i almost said me four

 

GhostKing: wait, will?!

 

Wisegirl: PERCY??

 

Smolace: joking

 

Valdezinator: i wasnt

 

Bluefood: me either

 

Wisegirl: percy you better believe i will storm across campus to your dorm

 

Goldfish: rude

 

Bluefood: oh hi frank

 

Bluefood: where were u?

 

Goldfish: with Hazel

 

Valdezinator: saucy

 

Goldfish: Leo you should know us by now that nothing was getting saucy unless you count the spaghetti I almost spilled on Hazel’s laptop

 

Bluefood: lol n00b

 

Wisegirl: well if Frank isn't with you thats just another reason to come over

 

Bluefood: calm down i was joking

 

Bluefood: but you should come over anyway ;)

 

Wisegirl: just because of that I’m not coming over

 

Wisegirl: also because you said “lol n00b”

 

Bluefood: :(

 

Wisegirl: fine

 

Bluefood: :)

 

Bluefood: you can help me with chemistry hw

 

Goldfish: o

 

GhostKing: if that was an attempted pun then leave me to cringe

 

Bluefood: i wasnt joking

 

Bluefood: whats a controlled experiment ??

 

_Goldfish went offline_

 

Valdezinator: perc

 

Smolace: 7th grade man

 

Wisegirl: well now I’m definitely coming over because without me you aren’t graduating college

 

_Bluefood went offline_

 

_Wisegirl went offline_

 

Valdezinator: and then there was 3

 

Valdezinator: just me and the gays

 

Smolace: gotta go, bi

 

Valdezinator: will its spelled “bye”

 

GhostKing: sigh

 

Smolace: Leo, I said that because I’m bi, not gay, idiot.

 

GhostKing: dont remind me

 

Smolace: Nico

 

GhostKing: Will

 

Smolace: you have nothing to be afraid of

 

GhostKing: ur hot and people look at you

 

Smolace: not my fault

 

GhostKing: >:(

 

Smolace: I’m joking, neeks

 

Smolace: i like you nico, and thats that

 

Valdezinator: aweee

 

GhostKing: holy guacamole i forgot leo was here

 

Valdezinator: i thought you didnt like guacamole nico

 

Smolace: oops

 

Smolace: didn’t lie though

 

Smolace: I’m coming over

 

GhostKing: !!

 

GhostKing: but! my! dorm! is! a! mess!

 

Smolace: I’ll help you clean

 

GhostKing: alright

 

_GhostKing went offline_

 

_Smolace went offline_

 

Valdezinator: i can showw you the world

 

Valdezinator: i wish i had a girlfriendd

 

MacaReyna: did you just quote a liza vine

 

Valdezinator: yikes

 

Valdezinator: hi reyna

 

MacaReyna: hi leo

 

Valdezinator: hows thalia

 

MacaReyna: ;))

 

_MacaReyna went offline_

 

Valdezinator: well i have no purpose here

 

_Valdezinator went offline_

 


	2. everyone is just a little gay (except frank)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter talks a bit about polyamory so if you dont like that then dont read itt
> 
> It also talks about different character sexualties, these are just my personal opinions, you can leave your own in the comments if you would like, but again, just my opinion on them, please dont attack me about it

**2:46 am**

 

 _PippyMclean to_ **_friendos_ **

 

PippyMclean: yall if we were to be in a bunch of polyamorous relationships who would they be with

 

Wisegirl: Me, you, Reyna, and Hazel

 

MacaReyna: what about thalia?

 

Wisegirl: she can have Rachel

 

MacaReyna: ;(

 

PippyMclean: imagine a 6 person relationship

 

Wisegirl: who has a bed who could fit 6 people

 

MacaReyna: that would be one big polypile of cuddles

 

Hazelnut: what's polyamorous

 

PippyMclean: babe you gotta keep up

 

Wisegirl: it’s like a love triangle except everyone is dating and loves each other

 

Hazelnut: wouldn’t that be a lot of threesomes??

 

Wisegirl: not necessarily

 

Wisegirl: it doesnt necessarily have to be sexual

 

Hazelnut: ohh

 

Hazelnut: yeah okay I could see that

 

PippyMclean: polypile !!

 

MacaReyna: ^

 

Wisegirl: ^^

 

BlondeJesus: i take offense that you would leave me for a polypile

 

PippyMclean: calm down i never said it would actually happen

 

MacaReyna: ;)

 

Hazelnut: ;))

 

Bluefood: jason lets just make a polypile of our own with me you leo and nico

 

Smolace: excuse me

 

GhostKing: no thank you i can barely handle him

 

Smolace: yOU can barley handle me

 

Smolace: youre the worlds pickiest eater

 

GhostKing: sorry that i only like the taste of mcdonalds and you

 

Hazelnut: oml

 

PippyMclean: o

 

Wisegirl: lordie

 

Bluefood: gayy

 

GhostKing: about time you noticed

 

 **Smolace named the group** **_Let's Talk About Sexualities_ **

 

Smolace: is anyone here actually striaght??

 

Lesbiatch: im not

 

MacaReyna: we’ve noticed

 

Lesbiatch: ;))

 

Wisegirl: percy’s pan because his ego is so big he expects everyone to like him no matter the gender

 

Bluefood: thats not how I would phrase it but alright

 

PippyMclean: leo and i are also pan

 

Valdezinator: i love pancakes :))

 

Hazelnut: im bi

 

Wisegirl: ^

 

Smolace: ^^

 

BlondeJesus: ^^^

 

MacaReyna: ^^^^

 

Lesbiatch: <<<<<<

 

GhostKing: welp im gay utgbh

 

PippyMclean: weve noticed

 

Goldfish: youve heard of being the only gay friend

 

Goldfish: now get ready for

 

Goldfish: being the only straight friend

 

Goldfish: thats me

 

Bluefood: hah weirdo


	3. nico is a bottom confirmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could you imagine if nico was pregnant haha okay carry on

**6:03 pm**

 

 _Smolace to_ **_Let’s All Talk ABout Sexualities_ **

 

Smolace: yall! guess! what!

 

Hazelnut: what ?!

 

Bluefood: are you pregnant

 

Smolace: um no

 

GhostKing: will tops so even if one of us were to be pregnant it would be me not him

 

PippyMclean: well okay then

 

Wisegirl: that's now something i know now, thanks percy

 

Bluefood: why are' you blaming me ??

 

Wisegirl: you started this all

 

Bluefood: actually will did

 

Bluefood: is neeks pregnant ??

 

Smolace: no but close

 

Hazelnut: whAT

 

Wisegirl: are yall getting a kid because were in college you can't take care of a kid !!

 

GhostKing: i disagree

 

GhostKing: but no were not getting a kid

 

Smolace: we could get a dog tho cuz we’re finally getting an apartment together :))

 

PippyMclean: yayyyy finallyyyyy

 

Smolace: my roommate moved out a monthish ago so we were thinking we might see if nico could switch dorms

 

Smolace: but then we were like “thats stupid lets just finally get an apartment” and we did :))

 

Wisegirl: congrats to the first couple with an apartment, I’m proud of you

 

GhostKing: thx annabeth

 

GhostKing: im excited but its such effort™ to move

 

Hazelnut: yay for yall

 

Hazelnut: you better be treating my brother right

 

GhostKing: dw hazel hes perfect

 

Smolace: yeah I’m perfect

 

GhostKing: except for his ego which is as big as percys

 

Wisegirl: no

 

Wisegirl: no one’s ego is as big as Percy’s

 

GhostKing: okay true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly these are so short my apologies  
> promise longer ones are coming !!


	4. leo has daddy issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**8:30 pm**

 

Wisegirl: ow

 

Hazelnut: i second that statement

 

PippyMclean: third it

 

MacaReyna: fourth

 

Lesbiatch: fifth

 

Valdezinator: sixth

 

Wisegirl: Leo what

 

Valdezinator: my dignity hurts wbu

 

Hazelnut: so you know how we take a self defense class together because some guys are pervs

 

Valdezinator: i didnt but continue

 

PippyMclean: well we had to beat people up today a lot

 

Lesbiatch: throw them to the grounddd

 

MacaReyna: it was fun

 

Wisegirl: but my legs are screaming and my arms are noodles

 

Valdezinator: i should take a class like that but with talking to people correctly

 

PippyMclean: dammit leo what did you do

 

Valdezinator: nothingg

 

MacaReyna: leo

 

Valdezinator: dont make “daddy” jokes around calypso

 

Lesbiatch: leo what the h ell

 

Hazelnut: I want to hear this storyy

 

Valdezinator: n ope

 

_Valdezinator has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: two can play at that

 

 _PippyMclean has added Calyalyspo to_ **_Let's Talk About Sexualities_ **

 

Calyalypso: I’m pansexual if that’s why you added me

 

PippyMclean: oo me too hi welcome to the pan club

 

PippyMclean: anyway not why i added you lol

 

 _Lesbiatch named the group_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

Wisegirl: Thalia I’m not even going to ask

 

Lesbiatch: good

 

Lesbiatch: reyna we have exams at 6 go study so you arent up the entire night

 

MacaReyna: by go study do you mean go over to your dorm and help you study

 

Lesbiatch: no

 

Lesbiatch: yes

 

MacaReyna: I’ll leave in 5

 

Lesbiatch: ;)

 

_Lesbiatch has gone offline_

 

_MacaReyna has gone offline_

 

Calyalypso: I’m honored to be a dork with a spork

 

PippyMclean: right !! calypso !!

 

Calyalypso: that’s my name don’t wear it out

 

_Lesbiatch has come online_

 

Lesbiatch: spicy

 

_Lesbiatch has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: right anyway

 

PippyMclean: what was the daddy joke that leo made

 

Calyalypso: oh lo rd

 

Calyalypso: I don’t understand what goes through that boy’s brain

 

Calyalypso: but Kayla’s dads visited her today during lunch and when they left Austin went “aw how cute”

 

Wisegirl: Austin as in Kayla’s cousin Austin?

 

Calyalypso: yeah

 

Calyalypso: and since they were cousins she wasn’t sure if he was just being sarcastic so Kayla says “what's wrong with hugging my dads?”

 

Calyalypso: and Leo just says “yeah Austin, you should support her and her father's relationship, some people have daddy issues”

 

PippyMclean: zOH MY GOD LEO WTF

 

Calyalypso: it was a disaster but he immediately turned red and dragged me away, thank god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is all based off my personal experience  
> as in I made that "daddy issues" joke  
> to someone 4 years older than me  
> * many regrets *


	5. nicos top 10 anime betrayles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi long chapter ahead  
> also aww imagine Nico wearing like thick-rimmed glasses aww

**10:24 am**

 

 _Smolace to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

Smolace: guys

 

Smolace: nice name btw

 

Smolace: anyway nico is at the store and i found one of his contact lenses in the shower WHAT DO I DO

 

MacaReyna: nico has contacts??

 

Smolace: yep

 

Smolace: he never tells anyone and only wears glasses when he has to

 

Smolace: he thinks he looks like hes a nerdy 14 year old

 

Goldfish: hes barely grown since he was 14

 

BlondeJesus: wow nico was just rekt by Frank

 

Smolace: anyway WHAT DO I DO

 

BlondeJesus: iDK I WEAR GLASSES

 

Lesbiatch: does he wear disposable contacts

 

Smolace: i ?? dont ?? know ??

 

Lesbiatch: leave it there for now, you can deal with it when he comes back

 

Smolace: but i have a class in 15 minutes i need to shower !!

 

PippyMclean: use dry shampoo and deodorant and youll be fine for now

 

Smolace: dry hair shampoo ??

 

PippyMclean: check the cupboard under the sink or anywhere that nico could put his stuff im sure he has some

 

Smolace: bless you piper

 

Smolace: also how do you know this, its like you two are the ones living with him and not me

 

PippyMclean: any gay boy has dry hair shampoo, it’s a fact

 

Smolace: well then

 

Valdezinator: i just had the scariest 5 minutes of my life where i thought my phone charger was broken

 

Valdezinator: turns out my phone just sucks

 

Valdezinator: that's all

 

_Valdezinator has gone offline_

 

Smolace: right well i have to go search for nicos dry hair shampoo

 

 

**10:49 am**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

GhostKing: i come back from the store to discover that will has outed me about my poor vision and also stolen my dry hair shampoo

 

GhostKing: also i have 5 gallons of ice cream

 

Hazelnut: why

 

GhostKing: there was a sale

 

GhostKing: buy two get three free

 

Bluefood: wow thats a good sale

 

Hazelnut: but a lot of ice cream

 

GhostKing: which is why i also bought cookie dough, whipped cream, mini m&ms, oreos, twizzlers and microwave popcorn because i going to ask you all over for a movie

night

 

Smolace: when were you going to tell me this??

 

GhostKing: when you got back from class

 

Smolace: what if I said no??

 

GhostKing: you wouldnt because that would be leaving me with a lot of sugar

 

Smolace: >:(

 

GhostKing: turn off your phone and take notes

 

GhostKing: never gonna be a doctor if you don't pay attention in medical school babe

 

Smolace: oh I’ll get you for this di Angelo

 

GhostKing: looking forward to it

 

_Smolace went offline_

 

PippyMclean: now that you two have stopped being the cutest freaking couple, i can tell you that jason and I can come tonight

 

Bluefood: so can annabeth and i

 

Hazelnut: so can I, but I can't speak for Frank

 

Goldfish: yes

 

_Goldfish went offline_

 

Hazelnut:.. Frank and I can come

 

Hazelnut: but make cookies before i get there because after getting salmonella from eating too much raw cookie dough I can’t look at cookie dough without wanting to puke

 

GhostKing: lol that

 

GhostKing: will do

 

MacaReyna: I can come

 

Valdezinator: me too

 

Lesbiatch: i cant ;(

 

Calyalypso: me either ;((

 

MacaReyna: aw thals

 

Lesbiatch: sorryy

 

GhostKing: its fine, i get it. I randomly sprung this on everyone

 

Bluefood: guess reyna and leo will just have to cuddle each other

 

 _MacaReyna removed Bluefood from_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

Valdezinator: nopenopenope not happeninggg

 

 _Hazelnut added Bluefood to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

MacaReyna: wow Hazel

 

GhostKing: top 10 anime betrayals

 

Hazelnut: Nico, get your weeaboo ass out of here

 

MacaReyna: gasp

 

Valdezinator: gasp

 

Lesbiatch: gasp

 

Calyalypso: gasp

 

PippyMclean: gasl

 

PippyMcLean: *gasp

 

Valdezinator: //nice going piper

 

GhostKing: my sister the innocent angel bean just _cursed_

 

Lesbiatch: and used the word weeaboo

 

Valdezinator: in the same sentence as the curse word

 

MacaReyna: used as an adjective for the curse word

 

PippyMclean: thats rough hazel

 

Hazelnut: leave me alone mom it’s not a phase

 

GhostKing: hazel sweetie

 

Hazelnut: I’ll be going now

 

_Hazelnut has gone offline_

 

MacaReyna: and percy you better shut your ever-flapping gobtalker because i have a girlfriend thank you very much and I wi not be cuddling with Valdez

 

Valdezinator: ^^

 

Bluefood: reyna did you just quote thomas sanders

 

MacaReyna: no?

 

Bluefood: the “shut your every-flapping gobtalker” bit

 

Bluefood: isnt that from the accepting anxiety video

 

MacaReyna: shit ive been found

 

PippyMclean: REYNA YOU SOFTY

 

MacaReyna: n ever call me a softy

 

Lesbiatch: softy

 

GhostKing: TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS

 

MacaReyna: good luck on your english exam thalia because im not helping you

 

_MacaReyna has gone offline_

 

Lesbiatch: dammit

 

Lesbiatch: now i definitely cant come i was going to see if i could sneak out of a meeting with the physics teacher

 

Bluefood: are you sure its physics and not chemistry ;))

 

Lesbiatch: stfu honestly how did reyna ever have a crush on you

 

Bluefood: ouch

 

 

**11:09 am**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

GhostKing: will

 

GhostKing: babe

 

GhostKingL love of my life

 

GhostKing: why the hell is there a piece of corn in the sink

 

Valdezinator: im sorry what

 

PippyMclean: i thought this was going somewhere cute

 

PippyMclean: give us the solangelo we all deserve

 

Smolace: nico there is private text for a reason

 

GhostKing: hold on the corn can wait

 

BlondeJesus: famous last words

 

GhostKing: what the hell is ‘solangelo’

 

PippyMclean: erm

 

GhostKing: did you seriously make a ship name for me and will

 

Goldfish: wow piper outing us all

 

PippyMclean: jason started it

 

GhostKing: wow jason

 

GhostKing: thats rough

 

_BlondeJesus has gone offline_

 

Smolace: you know solangelo basically means sun angel

 

GhostKing: you be quiet you haven't answered my question

 

Smolace: I thought you said the corn could wait

 

GhostKing: not anymore its writhing in pain in the bathroom

 

Goldfish: why does all the weird stuff happen in your bathroom

 

GhostKing: because all the other stuff happens in the bedroom

 

Goldfish: oh my innocent eyes

 

_Goldfish has gone offline_

 

Smolace: I promise you I have no idea how corn got into our bathroom sink

 

GhostKing: likely story mister

 

GhostKing: the matter will be settled in exactly 36 minutes when you get back from class

 

PippyMclean: will please give us all the details

 

GhostKing: blocked and reported™

 

**9:53 pm**

 

_PippyMclean sent a message to GhostKing_

 

PippyMclean: hey Nico

 

GhostKing: shh Will is going to be angry if im on my phone during his favorite part of tangled

 

PippyMclean: the love song on the boat??

 

GhostKing: he’s a softy but he’s my softy

 

PippyMclean: brb barfing rainbows yall are so cute n gay

 

GhostKing: you do realize ‘cute’ and ‘gay’ aren't synonyms

 

PippyMclean: shhsh

 

PippyMclean: i just wanted to say nice hickey

 

GhostKing: omg

 

GhostKing: fuck you piper mclean

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: hahahah

 

PippyMclean: no thanks btw

 

PippyMclean: I have Jason for that

 

_GhostKing has come online_

 

GhostKing: save it for your own bedroom

 

GhostKing: not in my christian household


	6. frank is straightsexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish/Straightsexual: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, as a lesbian, actually forgot it was called homosexuality and I was like "but lesbiansexual isnt a thing," and thus this chapter was born  
> No wonder my friends compare me to Percy tbh

**1:30 am**

 

 _Bluefood to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

Bluefood: wait so is it like gaysexual or lesbiansexual or striaghtsexual like it is bisexual or pansexual

 

BlondeJesus: im sorry what

 

GhostKing: and you honestly wonder why I said you were “not my type”

 

Bluefood: im still offended by those words

 

_Goldfish has changed their name to Straightsexual_

 

Bluefood: is it not ??

 

BlondeJesus: erm heterosexual and homosexual but good try

 

Bluefood: oh right

 

GhostKing: where do you think the term “no homo” comes from

 

Bluefood: what does that mean

 

BlondeJesus: w ow

 

GhostKing: its basically you and Jason

 

Bluefood: so like bros

 

GhostKing: rightt

 

Straightsexual: what is your type Nico

 

GhostKing: ah yes this famous question

 

GhostKing: I would say its basically someone who isn't smart enough so I can beat them up if necessary, however still has a basic understanding of common sense

 

GhostKing: sorry percy, you only meet one of two requirements

 

Straightsexual: give me a situation of when you would beat up Will

 

GhostKing: i wouldn't because hes perfect

 

GhostKing: but its satisfying knowing I have the ability to

 

GhostKing: also hes next to me sleeping and im concerned that he’ll wake up from the light from my phone so I bid you all farewell

 

 _GhostKing sent_ **_sleepingdork.mph_ **

 

GhostKing: wouldn't want to wake that face

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

Striaghtsexual: meanwhile Percy fell asleep across the room from me

 

 _Straightsexual sent_ **_droolingdork.mph_ **

 

Striaghtsexual : truly a ladies man

 

 

BlondeJesus: amazing, truly amazing

 

BlondeJesus: thats my new contact photo for him

 

Wisegirl: at least hes not up at 1 am now

 

Straightsexual: and what are you doing up at 1 am?

 

Wisegirl: making sure that the messages dinging on my phone aren't from my boyfriend who better be sleeping at this hour

 

Wisegirl: and telling you two to go to bed or scary 1 am Annabeth will come find you

 

BlondeJesus: she means business Frank we better sleep

 

Striaghtsexual: agreed

 

_BlondeJesus has gone offline_

 

_Striaghtsexual has gone offline_

 

_Wisegirl has gone offline_

 

Valdezinator: whats happenin homies

 

Valdezinator: aw i missed everything interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is really bad


	7. pickup lines dont work on calypso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Straightsexual: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is short sorry  
> I was thinking of pick-up lines so i wrote this  
> also I dont know how to end these hnng

**6:15 pm**

 

 _Valdezinator to_ **_dorks with sporks_ **

 

Valdezinator: hey you know what my shirt is made of?

 

Valdezinator: boyfriend material

 

Calalypso: no thank you I would not like to be a part of this conversation nopenopenope

 

_Calalypso has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: and that, boys and girls and theys is why you don’t use pick-up lines

 

PippyMclean: they cause you to lose your significant other

 

GhostKing: *significant annoyance

 

Wisegirl: im pretty sure saying “boys and girls and theys” is not correct

 

Bluefood: if you were a vegetable youd be a cute-cumber

 

Wisegirl: o

 

GhostKing: are you my appendix? Because a funny feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out

 

Smolace: Are you okay??

 

GhostKing: nope, I was just wondering if you had a bandage because I just scraped my knees falling for you

 

Smolace: ohhh

 

Smolace: no, but Ill be your bandage so I can be all over you

 

Hazelnut: do you have sunburn, or have you always been this hot

 

Valdezinator: oH SHIT WE GOT HAZEL INVOLVEd YALL

 

PippyMclean: do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in you eyes

 

Valdezinator: roses are red, bananas are yellow, would you like to take out this little fellow

 

WiseGirl: good thing I didn’t forget my library card because I am checking you out

 

Bluefood: I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?

 

Straightsexual: Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications

 

Valdezinator: wait frank I thought you were canadian

 

Striaghtsexual: I am

 

Straightsexual: canada o canada

 

Hazelnut: even if there wasnt gravity on earth, I’d still fall for you

 

GhostKing: do you like Nintendo? Because Wii look good together

 

Smolace: I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart

 

BlondeJesus: Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here

 

Bluefood: are you google? Because youre everything I’m searching for

 

WiseGirl: you remind me of how the earth rotates because you make my day

 

Hazelnut: can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back

 

Valdezinator: youre so beautiful I forgot my pickup line

 

BlondeJesus: wow Leo

 

WiseGirl: what a wonderful place to stop this mess

 

Hazelnut: agreed

 

PippyMclean: honestly though unless pick up lines are used as a joke between friends or couples theyre honestly disgusting and too much like catcalling

 

Hazelnut: v true my friend  


	8. franks emo phose (& annabeth is soft)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Straightsexual: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late to liking Hamilton but helpless is a really good song  
> Also i need to work on making longer chapters

**3:13 pm**

 

 _Bluefood has named the group_ **_Exposing your Significant Other™_ **

 

WiseGirl: Percy don’t you dare

 

WiseGirl: I have no idea what youre about to try and expose but I know I don’t want whatever it is

 

Bluefood: let me just start by saying Annabeth is a softy

 

WiseGirl: wrong move seaweed brain

 

PippyMclean: truly percy you have made a mistake

 

Bluefood: i walked into her dorm and she was dancing around listening to helpless from Hamilton

 

Straightsexual: aw I love Hamilton

 

Bluefood: frank change your name back and stop mocking me thanks

 

Straightsexual: D;

 

_Straightsexual has changed their name to Goldfish_

 

WiseGirl: Hamilton isn’t the worst musical since it’s about history, however I still am iffy about musicals in general

 

Bluefood: your song history says otherwise

 

WiseGirl: my apologies for my musical-loving roommate who got it stuck in my head

 

Bluefood: yes but out of every song in Hamilton you choose the one of a girl pining over the guy of her dreams

 

PippyMclean: you cant control what song gets stuck in your head

 

Smolace: especially if it’s your boyfriend who blasts panic at the disco which later makes you want to stand up and sing the chorus from “this is gospel”

 

PippyMclean: iF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Goldfish: IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOoOooooOOOooooOOOo

 

Bluefood: CUZ THESE WORDS ARE KNIVES THAT OFTEN LEAVE SCARS

 

PippyMclean: THE FEAR OF FALLING APARTT

 

Bluefood: AND TRUTH BE TOLD I NEVER WAS YOURS

 

Goldfish: THE FEAR THE FEAr OF FALLING APART

 

Smolace: fuck you all its stuck in my head again

 

_Smolace has gone offline_

 

Goldfish: watch your profanity boy

 

PippyMclean: Frank you listen to p!atd?

 

Goldfish: who doesnt

 

WiseGirl: me

 

Bluefood: yEAH BECAUSE YOU LISTEN TO SOFT LOVE SONGS

 

WiseGirL: call me soft one more time and I’ll break your neck

 

Bluefood: gulp

 

_Bluefood has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: aw what a good couple


	9. colin creevey & the monster mash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**5:51 pm**

 

Valdezinator: you do the mash

 

Valdezinator: you do the monster mash

 

Valdezinator: the monster mash

 

Valdezinator: it was a graveyard smash

 

GhostKing: AOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

BlondeJesus: truly leo I would appreciate if you stopped blasting that song

 

Valdezinator: BUT HALLOWEEN IS IN 3 DAYS AND ITS IS A JAM

 

MacaReyna: no its the monster mash

 

Valdezinator: eVEN BETTEER

 

BlondeJesus: is anybody going to the stolls halloween party

 

Bluefood: better question is who isnt

 

Valdezinator: *crickets*

 

MacaReyna: nico is going ??

 

GhostKing: i got dragged into by piper and will

 

Bluefood: ten points to team piper & will

 

Smolace: after reading harry potter i had a dream that the colin creevey lived next to me and would take pictures of me while i was showering

 

GhostKing: colin creevey better watch the fuck out

 

Valdezinator: aw i love jealous nico it makes him seem actually human

 

GhostKing: you should see jealous will

 

Smolace: shut ur fuck

 

GhostKing: IT WAS JUST A HUG

 

MacaReyna: “shut ur fuck”

 

Smolace: YOU DONT HUG PEOPLE

 

GhostKing: I HAVE HUGGED EVERYONE IN THIS GROUP CHAT EXCEPT MAYBE PERCY

 

Smolace: IN HELL MAYBE

 

GhostKing: IF THATS ALREADY WHERE IM HEADED THEN WHY DOES IT MATTER

 

BlondeJesus: calm down boys can you instead be cute but not fighting

 

GhostKing: you shut ur fuck jason

 

BlondeJesus: wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik its super short ahh  
> there will however be a halloween special so beeeeeeee readyyyy


	10. hippy dippy shits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was supposed to upload a chapter on halloween about halloween but then i got busy haha sorry
> 
> halloween chapter is still coming. it was supposed to be this chapter, but then i got out of hand and used four pages on the document i was typing on
> 
> so heres this chapter and hopefully i can upload the next one later today

 

 

**9:11 pm**

 

 _Hazelnut named the group_ **_honey nut queerios_ **

 

Hazelnut: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

 

GhostKing: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

 

Smolace: PUMPKINS SCREAM IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT

 

Valdezinator: THIS IS HALLOWEEn

 

BlondeJesus: EVERYBODY MAKE A SCENE

 

Lesbiatch: and this is where that stops

 

Hazelnut: thaliaaaaaaaaa youre not funnnn

 

Lesbiatch: its not even halloween yett

 

GhostKing: speaking of which is anyone going mischiefing

 

Smolace: nico di angelo i am not letting you toilet paper a frat house

 

GhostKing: sjhshsshsh

 

Lesbiatch: thank yuo for taking my current role as party pooper

 

 _GhostKing named the group_ **_nico defense squad_ **

 

GhostKing: im taking advantage of my own defense squad

 

Hazelnut: sorry will you gotta let him do it

 

BlondeJesus: youre a member of the defense squad

 

Lesbiatch: always telling him to get out there

 

Smolace: all of you better shut your fuck

 

_Smolace has gone offline_

 

GhostKing: are we really still doing shut ur fuck

 

 _Valdezinator has named the group_ **_shut ur fuck_ **

 

Hazelnut: keep it PG yall

 

 _Hazelnut has named the group_ **_shut ur duck_ **

 

GhostKing: i saw an asian man in a suit walking into the back of a shabby gas station

 

BlondeJesus: not suspicious at all

 

Hazelnut: is it that gas station near the mcdonalds off campus

 

GhostKing: maybe

 

Hazelnut: there's a chinese place down the road I bet hes the manager there

 

Valdezinator: i bet he’s going to go get laid

 

GhostKing: i hope you realize I will would push you into ongoing traffic right now if you were with me

 

Valdezinator: love you too neeks

 

 

**10:17 pm**

 

_MacaReyna has added Lesbiatch, GhostKing, Bluefood, BlondeJesus, PippyMclean, and REDhead to a group_

 

 _MacaReyna named the group_ **_hippy dippy shits_**

 

BlondeJesus: thats a little rude dont ya think rara?

 

MacaReyna: yu are in no way allowed to call me “rara” or “macareyna” or any other stupid nickname without my consent unless you wish to be stabbed repeatedly

 

PippyMclean: wait then why is you name MacaReyna?

 

_GhostKing changed his name to DeaththeKid_

 

DeaththeKid: the same reason mine is deaththekid but that doesnt mean you are permitted to call me that

 

BlondeJesus: you made up a new nickname and we cant use it ??

 

Bluefood: the horror, the horror

 

DeaththeKid: literally its a mix of “skull kid” and “death boy” its not that hard im concerned about how small your brains are

 

Lesbiatch: but your not a kid nico

 

BlondeJesus: YES HE IS HE WILL ALWAYS BE A KID

 

DeaththeKid: fairpoint

 

_DeaththeKid changed his name to GhostKing_

 

MacaReyna: the exact reason why i named the group chat “hippy dippy shits”

 

MacaReyna: anyway if we make a plan to leave as early as possible we could be the one to TP the stolls frat house b4 their party tomorrow

 

MacaReyna: bc last time they did it to one of the sorority houses and although im not in one i need revenge anyways

 

PippyMclean: yess pleasee

 

Bluefood: hold on im adding annabeth she needs revenge on the stolls

 

_Bluefood added WiseGirl to the group_

 

PippyMclean: why does annabeth need revenge on the stolls

 

WiseGirl: no specific reason theyre just annoying white boys

 

REDhead: understandable

 

Bluefood: oh hey rachel

 

GhostKing: i was going to ask why you didnt add leo but tbh i dont really care and im kinda glad you didnt

 

MacaReyna: and that is the exact reason why I didnt add him, because hes an annoying little shit

 

PippyMclean: you just called us hippy dippy shits before how is that better

 

MacaReyna: “hippy dippy shit” is a more loving term and is higher up on the “calling someone shit” scale

 

GhostKing: what scale is this and where can I find it

 

BlondeJesus: hey thats my best friend youre talking about

 

Bluefood: i thought I was your best friend

 

BlondeJesus: you and leo both are

 

GhostKing: what about me ??

 

MacaReyna: and me ?? I didnt stay friends with you for 8+ years just to be downgraded to “friend”

 

PippyMclean: im your GIRLFRIEND Jason, shouldn't I be your best friend too??

 

Lesbiatch: IM YOUR SISTER

 

WiseGirl: IM PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND YOU SHOULD LOVE ME TOO

 

REDhead: AND YOU BARELY KNOW ME BUT I DEMAND RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW THAT I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND

 

BlondeJesus: fine

 

BlondeJesus: leo was my first best friend and he was always there for me

 

BlondeJesus: and percy is my bro

 

Bluefood: damn right i am

 

MacaReyna: FALSEHOOD YOU SEXIST NO GOOD SON OF A MONKEY I WAS YOUR FIRST BEST FRIEND AND YOU SHOULD DAMN WELL KNOW THAT

 

Lesbiatch: im here for you reyna

 

WiseGirl: me too

 

PippyMclean: me three

 

GhostKing: me four

 

REDhead: me five

 

BlondeJesus: well now i have my girlfriend and a bunch of her girlfriends teamed up on me

 

GhostKing: ahem

 

MacaReyna: wow im just not even recognizable to you anymore am i?

 

Bluefood: dam

 

PippyMclean: pls stop the fuckin dam jokes that nobody understands except you annabeth and thalia

 

_Bluefood has gone offline_

 

_WiseGirl has gone offline_

 

_Lesbiatch has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: well shit

 

_PippyMclean has gone offline_

 

MacaReyna: look what youve done jason now we lost four team players

 

BlondeJesus: how is this my fault ??

 

GhostKing: hypothetically you did start it

 

MacaReyna: youre uninvited to our TPing party

 

_MacaReyna has removed BlondeJesus to the group_

 

GhostKing: ding dong the witch is dead

 

MacaReyna: bc i cant get anyone to focus over text, we’ll meet at 8 in my dorm

 

MacaReyna: rachel you can tell percy and annabeth, I’ll tell thalia

 

REDhead: yes sir captain sir

 

MacaReyna: nico you can tell Piper and make sure she doesn't tell Jason

 

GhostKing: on it

 

MacaReyna: everybody bring at least two rolls and lets get down to business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall the "hippy dippy shits" part is 680 words alone which is like more than my normal chapters  
> also dont worry, this "fight" isnt serious. I dont do angst in stories, only in my everyday life


	11. nico is lazy, jason is a nerd, and leo has a suggestive halloween costume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops this is so long overdue to the point where I am still talking about Halloween in November sORRY  
> also 90% of spelling mistakes halfway through this are intentional

**7:01 pm**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_shut ur duck_ **

 

GhostKing: i have spent the entire day in bed and i dont plan on leaving ever

 

Smolace: i hope you realize how unhealthy that is

 

GhostKing: i hope you realize i am a full grown adult and i can do whatever the fuck i want

 

Hazelnut: profanity nicoo

 

Smolace: your a 19 year old whose voice still cracks sometimes i dont see how that is “full grown adult”

 

PippyMclean: you do realize i will be over in about an hour to take you to the stolls party and no matter what i will find a way to haul your ass there

 

Bluefood: maybe he got his toe stuck in the faucet like in icarly and is making up an excuse

 

Smolace: excuse me

 

GhostKing: honestly percy wtf

 

PippyMclean: im coming over nico idgaf you are coming to this party

 

GhostKing: sigh

 

GhostKing: why does everybody love to torture me  


 

**8:34 pm**

 

 _Hazelnut to_ **_shut ur duck_ **

 

Hazelnut: Frank and I are leaving now but I want to know what yall are dressed as so I can at least hypothetically find you

 

Hazelnut: and it better be school appropriate

 

GhostKing: grumble mumble bugaboo

 

Valdezinator: I HATE SHOPPING FOR MONSTER STEW

 

Bluefood: i hATE SSHOPPING FOR MONSTER STEW

 

Hazelnut: uh what

 

Valdezinator: YALL THAT WAS THE BEST BOOK YOU DONT EVEN kNOW

 

Bluefood: CACKLE COOKS MONSTER STEW MAN

 

GhostKing: im going to pretend that didnt happen

 

Hazelnut: aW AMAZING

 

GhostKing: he dressed up as the devil he is

 

Bluefood: i expected him to be the devil not an angel

 

Smolace: well ya thought wrong because Nico truly is an angel

 

GhostKing: And you are a tiny spawn of satan

 

Smolace: 1, youre the small one and 2, i take that back you are a devil

 

GhostKing: can i switch my costume then?

 

Smolace: NO

 

Hazelnut: NO

 

PippyMclean: NO

 

GhostKing: ugh

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

Smolace: well i have no purpose here

 

_Smolace has gone offline_

 

Hazelnut: what about you Piper/Leo/Jason?

 

PippyMclean: I got one of those like diner hostess costumes from like the 40s idfk

 

Hazelnut: school appropriate ??

 

PippyMclean: more or less, the ad had a tiny child on it

 

Hazelnut: fine

 

PippyMclean: and jason’s being a hooded thing

 

BlondeJesus: ITS CALLED A JAWA FROM STAR WARS AND DO NOT JUDGE IT I HAVE A CLOAK

 

PippyMclean: a brown cloak

 

BlondeJesus: STILL A CLOAK

 

Valdezinator: MAN I LOVE THOSE THINGS AND THEYRE WEIRD HOODEDNESS

 

Valdezinator: and im being the man with the yellow hat

 

PippyMclean: no you are not

 

Valdezinator: u bet ur balls i am

 

PippyMclean: i am a woman thank you very much

 

Valdezinator: u bet jasons balls i am

 

_BlondeJesus has gone offline_

 

_PippyMclean has gone offline_

 

Hazelnut: SCHOOL APPROPRIATE

 

Valdezinator: sorry hazel :)

 

Hazelnut: what is Calypso going as

 

Valdezinator: well since she refused to be curious george shes going as pippy longstockings instead

 

Hazelnut: good, i approve

 

Bluefood: Annabeth and I are being cosmo & wanda from FOP

 

Hazelnut: FOP?

 

Valdezinator: fairly odd parents honestly hazel did you not have a childhood

 

Hazelnut: no ;(

 

Hazelnut: anyway im like a modern-esc version of the tin man and Frank is the scarecrow from the wizard of oz

 

Bluefood: whose the cowardly lion?

 

MacaReyna: mE BITCH

 

MacaReyna: except i aint cowardly and anyone who calls me cowardly tonight will be scratched with my claws

 

Valdezinator: whats thalia being then

 

Lesbiatch: a cowgirl as an excuse to wear a flannel ;)

 

Bluefood: lesbians am i right

 

Lesbiatch: percy shut up

 

 

**11:17 pm**

 

_PippyMclean to Wisegirl_

 

PippyMclean: have you seen Percy recently?

 

Wisegirl: no ?? he disapeared and now I’m lonley come find me pls

 

PippyMclean: oh well i found him

 

Wisegirl: where is he

 

PippyMclean: making out with Jason in a coner

 

Wisegirl: omg

 

Wisegirl: well at least its just Jason

 

PippyMclean: yeah as soon as theyre sober again itll be back to being platonic straght bros™

 

Wisegirl: god lets hope so

 

PippyMclean: yeah i thought it was will and nico at first and i was going to take sneaky photos as blackmail because i am a nice friend

 

PippyMclean: anyway percy was facing the wall but then i realized that nico was not that tall and agyer that the costumes were a dead giveaway

 

Wisegirl: also nico and will are over by me

 

PippyMclean: they are?? Where are you i want those pictures

 

PippyMclean: how drunk do you think they had to get to have that intese PDA

 

Wisegirl: well I doubt Will has touched anything and Nico is a small boy and it probably only took him a drink

 

PippyMclean: meanwhile hazel can get drunk on half a glass of wine

 

Wisegirl: only Hazel

 

PippyMclean: i agree, only hazel

 

PippyMclean: anyway where are you i need to see the solangelo

 

 

**12:24 am**

 

 _Bluefood to_ **_shut ur duck_ **

 

Bluefood: cOme to the entryance were gonna play spin the bottlle

 

PippyMclean: aw drunk percy and all his spelling mistakes

 

Wisegirl: now explain to me here, seaweed brain. Why would I want to play spin the bottle

 

MacaReyna: because everybody is acting like a bunch of drunk toddlers and want to reinact seventh grade

 

Wisegirl: good enough for me

 

Wisegirl: I’ll bring Piper

 

BlondeJesus: try and fInd ncio and wll

 

PippyMclean: they're a bit busy

 

 _PippyMclean has sent_ **_solangelo.mph_ **

 

BlondeJesus: gASP

 

Bluefood: fINE dont intterput thAT

 

 

**12:56 am**

 

_PippyMclean to MacaReyna_

 

PippyMclean: have you seen Hazel anywhere??

 

PippyMclean: She wont answer me

 

MacaReyna: I’ve only been with Thalia the entire night though Rachel is with us right now, i assumed she was with you

 

PippyMclean: !! i thought she was with you

 

PippyMclean: Well after Jason and Percy abandonded us it’s just been Annabeth and I & occasinally Calypso and Le

 

PippyMclean: god if she isnt with any of us (and not even with Rachel) then where could she be?

 

MacaReyna: Racehl says when she saw her she was dancing with Frank so lets hope theyre still together because those are the last two people you want being by themselves

 

PippyMclean: maybe theyre in the bedroom ;))

 

MacaReyna: come on Pipes this is Hazel were talking about

 

PippyMclean: true

 

PippyMclean: well Annabeth and I are going on a search for her

 

MacaReyna: tell me if you find her

 

PippyMclean: you got it

 

 

**1:04 am**

 

_PippyMclean to MacaReyna_

 

PippyMclean: we found her!

 

MacaReyna: thank goodness, where was she??

 

PippyMclean: she was sitting out front with Frank

 

PippyMclean: i think it got to loud for the oldies

 

MacaReyna: haha thank god

 

PippyMclean: anyway we tried to sneak back in but she saw us and apologized for ignoring my texts and whatnot

 

PippyMclean: anyway she wanted me to tell you goodbye cuz shes going back with Frank to their dorm

 

MacaReyna: aww okay at least shes fine

 

MacaReyna: what about p & j

 

PippyMclean: probably fucking somwhere, hell if I know

 

MacaReyna: how is Annabeth doing

 

PippyMclean: she was concerned at the beginning but I think shes fine now

 

MacaReyna: she better because Percy wouldnt ditch her for Jason

 

MacaReyna: and Jason wouldnt ditch you for Percy

 

MacaReyna: and if they did I would stab them

 

PippyMclean: thanks rara

 

MacaReyna: shut up u drunk dumb fuck

 

PippyMclean: (:

 

MacaReyna: anyway come back inside Thals and I are gonna dance

 

MacaReyna: you and annabeth should join!!

 

PippyMclean: alright we’ll come find you

 

MacaReyna: you better, my moves are hard to miss ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly this chapter was so bad all of these are so bad ive run out of ideas wej98rftce7bydhnx


	12. edgar allan poe is rolling in his grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise its a new update close to the old one because i actually had an idea for once woahh  
> this one is like a good ol' mess of nothing and everything

**2:57 pm**

 

 _Hazelnut to_ **_shut ur duck_ **

 

Hazelnut: if you were a flower, what kind of flower would you be

 

GhostKing: a dead one

 

Hazelnut: honestly Nico I thought your emo phase was over

 

GhostKing: why do you call me emo thats not a  t h i n g

 

Hazelnut: well first of all your username is “ghost king”

 

GhostKing: thats an inside joke

 

Hazelnut: with who

 

GhostKing: um

 

GhostKing: dad?

 

Hazelnut: of course it is youre his favorite

 

GhostKing: debetable

 

Smolace: i would be a sunflower

 

Hazelnut: hi Will !!

 

Smolace: Hazel i think you would be a daisy

 

Hazelnut: awww thanks

 

GhostKing: hazel pls stop flirting with my boyfriend you have frank for that

 

Goldfish: wait what happened here

 

Hazelnut: sigh

 

Hazelnut: honestly nico

 

 _Smolace has changed the name to_ **_honestly nico™_ **

 

Bluefood: nico would be a white chrysanthemum

 

Valdezinator: isnt chrysanthemum that mouse child that everyone made fun of because her name was so long

 

Hazelnut: chrysanthemums a flower chrysanthemums a flower

 

GhostKing: thanks

 

Bluefood: White chrysanthemum meaning: in Japan and Korea it symbolizes grief but in the USA symbolizes joy

 

Bluefood: and nico is our little roll of joyful grief

 

Wisegirl: ‘joyful grief’ is an oxymoron

 

Bluefood: our little roll of happy death

 

BlondeJesus: now thats just a description of nico and will's relationship

 

Bluefood: alright i give up

 

GhostKing: when did this turn into a conversation about our relationship i do not apprici8

 

PippyMclean: i have no idea but i am here for it

 

GhostKing: Piper Mclean you better back the fuck up I am still angry at you for sending that photo of Will and I

 

Wisegirl: funny how Angry Nico™ uses correct grammar

 

GhostKing: why do yall keep putting the “™” after my name im not thomas sanders

 

BlondeJesus: man i wish you were i love thomas sanders

 

GhostKing: thanks jason hate u too

 

PippyMclean: Id probably be a hibiscus

 

Bluefood: i thought u would be a rose

 

PippyMclean: bleh roses

 

Wisegirl: I would be a lavender sprig

 

Hazelnut: nicee

 

Bluefood: i would be a cornflower because its blue and also a crayon name

 

Smolace: 64 pack of crayons, you know, the one with the sharpener?

 

GhostKing: oh god please anything but that dont even mention that stupid story one more time or I will scream

 

Smolace: another time ;)

 

GhostKing: no never

 

Smolace: ;))

 

PippyMclean: if sexualties have flags they should have flowers too

 

Smolace: lupines; the flower of the bisexuals

 

Hazelnut: explain

 

Smolace: they are most commonly seen as purple, blue, or pink

 

GhostKing: and they're ugly af

 

Smolace: I LOVE LUPINES DONT YOU DarE SAY THAT

 

Smolace: i had a book about lupines as a child and i always wanted to grow some

 

GhostKing: im sorry i didnt have a childhood

 

BlondeJesus: aww flower boy will

 

Bluefood: are tulips the flowers of the gays because they come in every color of the rainbow

 

PippyMclean: no tulips are the flowers of the pans because they are every color of the rainbow just like people

 

Smolace: should the flower of the pans be the (pan)sy?

 

GhostKing: you can leave

 

Hazelnut: what about the straights

 

Goldfish: you have summoned me

 

PippyMclean: roses, used by straights everywhere and are the mostly cheesy-horrible-romantic flowers

 

Goldfish: I do not like the reason why I have been summoned

 

_Goldfish has gone offline_

 

Bluefood: what about birds like state birds

 

GhostKing: percy if you wre a bird you would be a pigeon because youre always everywhere and you are annoying as hell

 

Wisegirl: hah true

 

Smolace: what would i be?

 

GhostKing: seagull. Same reasons, except you are more commonly found in the sun

 

PippyMclean: lololololol

 

Smolace: sad

 

GhostKing: annabeth would be an owl

 

GhostKing: piper would be a dove

 

GhostKing: jason would be a peacock

 

BlondeJesus: a what

 

GhostKing: hazel would be a hummingbird

 

GhostKing: frank would be a penguin

 

Goldfish: was that a fat joke

 

GhostKing: reyna would be a stork

 

MacaReyna: excuse me

 

GhostKing: thalia would be a blue-footed booby

 

BlondeJesus: did you just

 

GhostKing: leo would be a phoenix

 

GhostKing: calypso would be a swan

 

GhostKing: and rachel would be a parrot

 

Smolace: wow

 

PippyMclean: now that I’m done dying of laughter, what would you be

 

GhostKing: a raven, duh

 

GhostKing: caw caw mother fucker

 

Hazelnut: PG NICO

 

Wisegirl: quoth the raven “nevermore”

 

Smolace: Edgar Allan Poe was a strange dude

 

Bluefood: he married his 13 year old cousin when he was like 30

 

Hazelnut: aUGH

 

Wisegirl: he was 26

 

Hazelnut: AugHAhHAha

 

_Hazelnut has gone offline_

 

GhostKing: i dressed up as a raven in 6th grade

 

 _GhostKing sent_ **_nevermore.mph_ **

 

Bluefood: NICE HEADBAND

 

GhostKing: oh shut ur fuck

 

 

**3:24 pm**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_honestly nico™_ **

 

GhostKing: WILLIAM SOLACE YOU DID NOT JUST POST A PHOTO OF ME IN MY 6TH GRADE HALLOWEEN COSTUME ON YOUR INSTAGRAM

 

Smolace: you better believe I did

 

Smolace: by the way your stepmom commented on it, shes getting a framed version and hanging it in your fathers room

 

GhostKing: god dammit persephone

 

GhostKing: i trusted you will

 

Valdezinator: I thought you were bae

 

Valdezinator: turns out you're just fam

 

GhostKing: holy shit

 

GhostKing: i thought this was a private message to will

 

Smolace: lol no

 

Valdezinator: btw nico i dont appreciate you calling me a phoenix

 

GhostKing: you people give me a headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy trans day of remembrance btw  
> comment if you want to hear the crayon story ;))


	13. sugar daddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> WiseGirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> Valdezinator: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh mention of sugar daddies don't read if ur innocent

**9:45 am**

 

Valdezinator: i give up im dropping out and getting a sugar daddy

 

Hazelnut: whats a sugar daddy

 

PippyMclean: oh dear god

 

GhostKing: leo dont be tainting my sisters brain with your poison

 

Valdezinator: “sugar daddy- noun. a rich older man who lavishes gifts on a young woman in return for her company or sexual favors.”

 

Hazelnut: what the fuck

 

PippyMclean: LEO

 

GhostKing: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 

Valdezinator: I DIDNT KNOW THAT REACTION WAS COMING

 

Hazelnut: wait this is a thing

 

PippyMclean: uh ya

 

Hazelnut: do you have one ??

 

PippyMclean: my mom is a model and my dad is an actor, both of them super famous. Do think I out of all of us (besides you and Nico) need a sugar daddy

 

Valdezinator: i need one cuz im becoming a college dropout

 

Hazelnut: i cant handle this anymore

 

_Hazelnut has gone offline_

 

Calalypso: your literally telling me that you would rather have a sugar daddy over me

 

GhostKing: jesus christ

 

BlondeJesus: no im castiel

 

GhostKing: i forgot you were here calypso

 

Calyalypso: so did Leo, apparently

 

Valdezinator: i didnt forget you were here babe and also i dont prefer a sugar daddy over you

 

Valdezinator: i just need some financial support in my new lifestyle

 

Calyalypso: mhm okay leo

 

PippyMclean: honestly how did you two meet you literally are worse than will and nico

 

GhostKing: excuse me

 

Valdezinator: group project

 

Calyalypso: i hated him but we started working together and decided we were a good team

 

Valdezinator: we dont reallyyy hate each other

 

Calyalypso: eh debatable

 

Valdezinator: nah you love me

 

Calyalypso: mhm okay

 

_Valdezinator changed their name to BadBoySupreme_

 

BadBoySupreme: how could you not love me

 

_Calyalypso has gone offline_

 

BadBoySupreme: bahah i love being nuts

 

_BadBoySupreme has gone offline_

 

PippyMclean: wow

 

Wisegirl: speaking of how people met, how did you and Jason meet

 

PippyMclean: went to the same boarding school as him. Thats where we met Leo

 

BlondeJesus: once upon a time I was a good child but Leo and Piper are bad influences

 

PippyMclean: hAH

 

GhostKing: gross

 

GhostKing: straight people

 

Smolace: im sorry to we need to revisit the past i thought we made it clear only Frank was straight

 

Lesbiatch: the only time im straight is when im being a straight-up bitch

 

PippyMclean: wait when did will and nico meet

 

MacaReyna: tELL THEM WILL I LOVE THIS STORY

 

GhostKing: no

 

Smolace: I had a summer job in the hospital near here where I went around and was sort of just taking notes on what the doctors did in the ER

 

Smolace: i dont really know the point of it, but it had sickness and I got paid so whatever

 

Smolace: anyway there was one day where a boy dressed in all black walked in looking completely confused and was holding his fingers

 

GhostKing: youre making this sound more dramatic than it actually it

 

BlondeJesus: sHUT UR FUCK NICO ITS STORY TIMEE

 

_Hazelnut has come online_

 

Hazelnut: proFANTIY

 

Hazelnut: ooh story time

 

Hazelnut: whats todays story

 

PippyMclean: how nico and will met

 

Hazelnut: ohhh i want to hear this from wills perspective because all I heard was a cute blonde doctor that gave him his number

 

GhostKing: shhshshh hAZEL

 

GhostKing: TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS

 

Smolace: aww neeks

 

GhostKing: ;(

 

Smolace: anyway, the doctor was busy doing something so i just went up to him and was like “hey whats wrong”

 

Smolace: and he goes “oh, uh, i think i broke something?”

 

Smolace: so i called over the doctor who sent him to the xray place

 

Smolace: later we somehow bumped into each other while i was walking out of the entrance and he was walking out of the xray wing thing

 

MacaReyna: “wing thing”

 

PippyMclean: you are a gr8 med student will

 

Smolace: and he was wearing a cast so i asked him “hey how are your fingers” and he responded with “broke three of them”

 

BlondeJesus: what color was the cast

 

Smolace: white the boring little shit

 

GhostKing: they were out of black ;(

 

BlondeJesus: eMO

 

Smolace: so i asked him how and he said “um, i was telling a story and i kind of slammed my fist into the wall”

 

MacaReyna: cause of death: gesticulation

 

BlondeJesus: nico can you get any more italian honestly

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

Smolace: so i pulled out a pen and wrote my name and number on his cast and said “if its ever bothering you just call me” the walked away

 

PippyMclean: sMOOTH

 

BlondeJesus: aW

 

Hazelnut: good for you will i approve of you

 

Smolace: and as soon as nico texted me for the first time i knew i liked him

 

BlondeJesus: what did he text you

 

Smolace: “youre a fucking nerd”

 

MacaReyna: dont get lines that smooth in the movie honestly

 

Smolace: anyway i’ve told you too much i must go now and apologize to Nico

 

PippyMclean: thanks for the solangelo™ babe

 

_Smolace has gone offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk even know whatb this is anymore  
> also dont u just love my unrealistic situations ;)))
> 
> ill probably do the crayon story next chapter bc i am laZy and im going to annoy myself by typing it out so yay  
> also a friend gave me a great christmas chapter idea so yay thats going to be a thing ;))


	14. leos christmasy boredom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> WiseGirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas !! and happy day to those who dont celebrate, hope your holidays are going alright!  
> this chapter was supposed to come out yesterday but my original draft got deleted and then i got busy and all in all i finished it about five seconds ago and it is being published now as my gift to all of you!  
> And credit to my bestest buddy Nora who gave me the idea that I based this chapter around (and half the jokes in other chapters)  
> enough chatter, go forth and read!

  **12:03 am**

 

 _BadBoySupreme to_ **_honestly nico™_ **

 

BadBoySupreme: Y

 

BadBoySupreme: M

 

BadBoySupreme: C

 

BadBoySupreme: A

 

Wisegirl: you okay there repair boy?

 

BadBoySupreme: I’m fine i just needed a conversation starter because calculous is bORING

 

BadBoySupreme: im “using my calculator”

 

GhostKing: it still confuses me how you even were able to take calculus

 

BadBoySupreme: you put so much doubt in me

 

GhostKing: yes, yes i do

 

Hazelnut: Nico !! stop being so mean, Leo is a sweetheart

 

BadBoySupreme: yEAH IM A SWEETHEART

 

GhostKing: hazel how much did he have to pay you to say that

 

Hazelnut: Nico.

 

GhostKing: just sayin

 

BadBoySupreme: i feel so unloved

 

PippyMclean: nah man you're alright

 

MacaReyna: and apparently you were Jason’s “first best friend” too

 

BlondeJesus: are we still on that

 

MacaReyna: shut ur fuck

 

PippyMclean: stop cursing there are children in the room you little shits

 

Hazelnut: P

 

Hazelnut: G

 

 

**12:12 pm**

 

 _Wisegirl to_ **_fries b4 guys_ **

 

Wisegirl: our secret santa party is tonight and I have Frank and idk what to give him send advice please

 

PippyMclean: chinese handcuffs

 

Wisegirl: dear god not that again

 

Hazelnut: One of his favorite stores is like a town over, its like a general store with a whole bunch of random stuff

 

Wisegirl: what do you mean by random?

 

Hazelnut: oh like rubber chickens, plastic heads, voodoo dolls, weird inflatable stuff like donuts or underwear

 

PippyMclean: inflatable underwear?

 

Lesbiatch: sounds like the Stolls

 

Hazelnut: he thinks its hilarious

 

Hazelnut: I’ll take you if you want

 

Wisegirl: yes please !!

 

PippyMclean: can i come? Maybe I can find something for Leo

 

Lesbiatch: get him a voodoo doll

 

PippyMclean: i should

 

Wisegirl: you wanna come Thals?

 

Lesbiatch: i would but my secret santa happens to be in this group chat and rey is already taking me bc she apparently knows the perfect place

 

PippyMclean: @annabeth ten bucks its hazel

 

Wisegirl: ten bucks its you

 

Hazelnut: yall should not gamble

 

PippyMclean: i blame leo

 

Lesbiatch: im getting out of here before someone goes bankrupt

 

 

**3:49 pm**

 

 _Wisegirl to_ **_honestly nico™_ **

 

Wisegirl: houston we have a problem

 

GhostKing: is this the day where annabeth finally gets below a 98 on a test ??

 

Wisegirl: no

 

PippyMclean: we have a hazel problem

 

Goldfish: Hazel is never a problem what are you talking about dont bully her

 

BadBoySupreme: upsetting past unlocked

 

GhostKing: don’t.

 

BadBoySupreme: it appears my presence is not wanted

 

_BadBoySupreme has gone offline_

 

GhostKing: i agree w/ frank, how is hazel a problem??

 

Hazelnut: ayee lmao

 

GhostKing: jesus fucking christ what did you do to her

 

Hazelnut: fuck is a bad word percy

 

GhostKing: im

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

Hazelnut: u knowwwww if i was gay id prob fuck reyna cuz she is HOT

 

MacaReyna: WHAT THE F WORD FACE

 

Hazelnut: u can say fuck rara

 

Hazalenut: i dont mind ;))

 

MacaReyna: gotta gO

 

Wisegirl: remember the whole “only hazel” joke?

 

PippyMclean: yeah well somebody didnt realize that mulled wine was alcoholic

 

Wisegirl: (her, not us)

 

PippyMclean: and drank an entire cup, and now this has happened

 

Wisegirl: please frank come retrieve your girlfriend she is prancing around my dorm and I’m worried my roommate will come back and be scarred

 

Goldfish: really?

 

Wisegirl: no shes actually chill but hazel isnt pls come help

 

Bluefood: when annabeth uses “pls” you know shes being serious

 

Goldfish: you two are the worst

 

PippyMclean: touche big guy now come get her before she passes out

 

Goldfish: im on my way

 

Goldfish: now we just have to pray that she’ll be alright before we meet up at the solangelo household

 

_GhostKing has come online_

 

GhostKing: never call it that

 

GhostKing: also good job you complete idiots

 

 

**7:54 pm**

 

_Wisegirl to Goldfish_

 

Wisegirl: hows hazel? Jason is offering to come pick you two up if you need it

 

Goldfish: nah we’re leaving soon, I’m just waiting for hazel to get ready so we can leave

 

Wisegirl: sorry again.. what happened after you came and got her?

 

Goldfish: well she talked to herself for a solid hour an a half, then fell asleep in the dog bed

 

Wisegirl: and why do you have a dog bed?

 

Goldfish: idk ask that kelp-headed boyfriend of yours

 

Wisegirl: geez what did he do now?

 

Goldfish: oh, you know. Offered to watch his cousins dog even though it’s against campus rules to have pets

 

Wisegirl: what am i going to do with him

 

Goldfish: your problem, not mine

 

Goldfish: what have we missed

 

Wisegirl: Well, since we werent sure how Hazel was doing, Nico was trying to convince Will to let him go switch places with you so you could come here and he would watch Hazel, but Will wasnt having it.

 

Wisegirl: it eventually ended in Nico trying to get up and leave but he’s still so scrawny that Will was able to pull him back into his lap, which he is still not allowed to leave, courtesy of Will who has his arms fastened around Nico’s waist

 

Goldfish: hold on

 

Goldfish: i just told that to Hazel and now she’s cracking up

 

Wisegirl: oh it was a sight

 

Goldfish: anyway, leaving now

 

Wisegirl: fantastic, see you soon

 

 

**8:18 pm**

 

_Pippymclean to Wisegirl_

 

PippyMclean: you owe me $10

 

Wisegirl: oh shut it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (lets pretend this takes place like a week before the holidays and thats why they arent home and maybe ill do a chapter when they are we'll see but yeahh thats whyy)  
> i was laughing while writing this so i hope you liked it too


	15. mushy gays and ripped dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to nora who gives me 80% of the ideas that i write now, she is amazing  
> sorry for any mistakes, i did this during a spanish class .-.  
> this is a longg boyy ;))

**12:34 pm**

_GhostKing to_ **_Nico is Regina George confirmed_ **

 

GhostKing: fuck boyfriends

 

MacaReyna: What did that William Solace do to you because I will find him

 

MacaReyna: I knew he wasn’t good enough for you

 

Lesbiatch: you know she’s serious when she uses correct grammar

 

GhostKing: ok calm down that was a joke

 

GhostKing: kind of

 

GhostKing: he forced me awake the day after new years to go ice skating with him, piper, jason, percy, annabeth, and leo

 

Lesbiatch: “and leo”

 

MacaReyna: that is the saddest thing i have ever heard

 

GhostKing: yeahh calypso was supposed to come but she bailed last minute

 

GhostKing: so now he’s akwardly skating in between the four of them

 

Lesbiatch: honestly me

 

GhostKing: Jason just abandoned Piper and now he and Percy are having some sort of bro-off

 

Lesbiatch: not surprised tbh

 

MacaReyna: wait why are you texting us go join your boyfriend on the ice or I will personally come down there and make you

 

Lesbiatch: she will

 

GhostKing: you know I would but I fell while wearing ripped dreams and hurt my knee so he’s being a good boy™ and getting me hot chocolate

 

Lesbiatch: “good boy” is kinky also riPPED DREAMS

 

MacaReyna: RIPPED DREAMS

 

GhostKing: mwhrdbsiklx i meant ripped jeans

 

GhostKing: I am bruised

 

GhostKing: broken

 

Lesbiatch: you gotta stop trying to be edgy

 

GhostKing: shhhh the glowstick is back i gotta drink my hot chocolate and go wobble on the ice again

 

GhostKing: go do whatever lesbians do

 

MacaReyna: IM BISEXUAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH

 

**12:48 pm**

_MacaReyna to BadBoySupreme_

 

MacaReyna: Leo

 

MacaReyna: we dont see eye to eye very often

 

MacaReyna: but i am begging you pLEASE send me a video of Nico falling on the ice

 

BadBoySupreme: what do i get out of it

 

MacaReyna: if you don't i'll tell calypso about your old my little pony obsession

 

BadBoySupreme: i mean im pretty sure she already knows

 

MacaReyna: then ill out you about your guy crush on frank

 

BadBoySupreme: jesus okay you really have no limits

 

MacaReyna: nope

 

 _BadBoySupreme sent_ **_nicocantevenstandstraight.html_ **

 

MacaReyna: thank you

 

MacaReyna: this is ideal

 

BadBoySupreme: so nobody will have to know?

 

MacaReyna: well except Thalia because she saw the text but yeah besides that

 

BadBoySupreme: god remind me to never trust you with anything

 

MacaReyna: you dont trust me, you were drunk

 

BadBoySupreme: and this is where i exit

 

BadBoySupreme: theres a bro-battle going on

 

MacaReyna: tell Will to join

 

BadBoySupreme: hell no

 

BadBoySupreme: have you seen that boy he is TALL

 

MacaReyna: all the more fun to hear about your tiny body being  crushed

 

BadBoySupreme: love you too

 

_BadBoySupreme has gone offline_

  


 

**4:03 pm**

_Lesbiatch to_ **_honestly nico™_ **

 

Lesbiatch: forget the goverment stalking us, i think episode sees my texts bc it keeps recommending lesbian stories to me

 

PippyMclean: you have the game

 

Lesbiatch: hell no i just get the ads on snapchat

 

GhostKing: can someone pLEASE change the groupchat name

 

 _BadBoySupreme changed the chat name to_ **_leo the supersized mcshizzle_ **

 

GhostKing: no

 

Lesbiatch: a thousand times no

 

BadBoySupreme: yall are no fun ;(

 

 _BadBoySupreme changed the chat name to_ **_Argo II_ **

 

Bluefood: argo aye aye

 

 _Lesbiatch changed the chat name to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

GhostKing: aye yai yai yall are driving me nuts

 

BadBoySupreme: being nuts is my job

 

BadBoySupreme: being the emo is your job

 

GhostKing: alright im done with all of you

 

_GhostKing has gone offline_

 

Goldfish: hello hi yes ive made a mistake

 

BadBoySupreme: good we just ended our conversation and i wasnt ready to face the real world

 

Goldfish: no

 

Goldfish: bad mistake

 

Goldfish: bad bad bad mistake

 

Smolace: what kind of bad bad bad bad mistake

 

MacaReyna: yall sound like a fuckin pop song

 

Goldfish: my classes got cancelled and i went back to my dorm and walked in on percy and annabeth

 

MacaReyna: Thalia cant breathe omggs

 

_GhostKing has come online_

 

GhostKing: Will is snorting what did u fuckers do

 

GhostKing: : hOLFY SHIT

 

PippyMclean: im scREECHINg

 

Goldfish: i didnt know what to do so i ran

 

BlondeJesus: boi

 

GhostKing: scale of one to ten how kinky

 

Goldfish: ill let annabeth and percy talk to you about that

 

Goldfish: and lets never bring this up again

 

_Goldfish went offline_

 

Bluefood: ive been exposed

 

BlondeJesus: not exposed enough

 

GhostKing: scale of one to ten how kinky

 

BadBoySupreme: its part of the bro code you have to tell us

 

Wisegirl: hi hello yes I am a human and that information is private

 

BadBoySupreme: that means its a 10

 

BlondeJesus: boi

 

GhostKing: uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

 

 

 

**8:46 pm**

_Smolace to Wisegirl_

 

Smolace: Annabeth you never told me your roommate was Lou Ellen

 

Wisegirl: you know her??

 

Smolace: considering she told me abt what happened previously, uh yeah

 

Wisegirl: she told you?????

 

Smolace: woah calm down it was nothing kinky

 

Smolace: she just said her roommate was rly embarrassed bc her friend walked in on her & her boyfriend

 

Smolace: i didnt realize you two were such good friends

 

Wisegirl:  i cannot believe she told you

 

Smolace: dont get mad!! She didnt even specify that it was you bc she knows i know you

 

Smolace: but i knew it was you anyway

 

Wisegirl: ive been exposed for the second time today

 

Smolace: would you rather have that or just have someone laugh at you everyday in private

 

Wisegirl: Nico is my child so shhh

 

Wisegirl: and thats my job for Percy

 

Wisegirl: how is Nico anyway

 

Smolace: ahhhhh

 

Smolace: many many emotions

 

Wisegirl: good.. emotions..?

 

Smolace: very very good emotions

 

Smolace: i think i love him

 

Wisegirl: well duh

 

Wisegirl: have you not told him yet??

 

Wisegirl: pls dont say you're like percy who took a kajillion years to even realize he liked me

 

Smolace: im scared

 

Wisegirl: you havent told the boy that yove been fucking for almost a year and half that you love him?

 

Smolace: we havent yet

 

Wisegirl: havent what

 

Smolace: fucked

 

Smolace: i know he jokes about it, but we havent gone all the way

 

Wisegirl: holy shit plot twist

 

Smolace: i would talk to Piper but you & Percy have known him the longest

 

Smolace: and theres no way I can talk to Percy about it

 

Smolace: i just idk what to do or when to say what bc he doesnt like a lot of feelingsy things

 

Wisegirl: idk if you know but that boy has been through a lot

 

Wisegirl: it may seem to feelingsy, but telling him that you love him will mean a lot, trust me on that

 

Smolace: alright

 

Smolace: thanks annabeth

 

Wisegirl: no problem boyo

 

Wisegirl: now i have a roommate to talk to

 

Smolace: pls be gentle

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the format to make it easier to read  
> also when did this suddenly now have plot bc idek  
> pls leave feedback on this chapter bc i wasnt sure how people would feel about it


	16. piper is the daddy of solangelo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Wisegirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**12:18 am**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

GhostKing: midnight psa

 

GhostKing: my boyfriend is better than all you straights

 

GhostKing: and i love him

 

BlondeJesus: IM BISEXUAL

 

 

**12:19 am**

 

_Wisegirl to Smolace_

 

Wisegirl: well done son

 

Smolace: thanks mom

 

 

 

**12:19 am**

 

 _BlondeJesus to_ **_solangelo squad™_ **

 

BlondeJesus: LOVE

 

Bluefood: L OVE

 

BlondeJesus: LO VE

 

Bluefood: jason our children are growing uo

 

BlondeJesus: im a proud mom to my gays

 

Bluefood: i thought i was the mom

 

BlondeJesus: were both the mom

 

PippyMclean: both of you are guys how are either of you the mom

 

Bluefood: daddy

 

PippyMclean: fuck this im out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a tiny chapter while i procrastinate homework  
> also i was going to wait for valentines day but nicos birthday is on the 28th so obviously i have to do something for that


	17. nico is a bad listener

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> WiseGirl: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy almost birthday nico  
> idk what this is here you go  
> also i love sally jackson-blofis with all my heart

**9:36 am**

 

_ BadBoySupreme to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

BadBoySupreme: taminamina eh eh

 

BadBoySupreme: waka waka eh eh

 

MacaReyna: it’s tsamina mina you uncultured swine

 

Lesbiatch: Jason changed my ringtone to “hips dont lie”

 

BlondeJesus: its bc you have the booty

 

GhostKing: if you want to be gay you gotta have the booty

 

BadBoySupreme: who “wants to be gay”?

 

Lesbiatch: mE

Lesbiatch: dont judge a book by its cover idiot

 

Wisegirl: wait how is reyna only bisexual if she has the best booty out of all of us

 

BlondeJesus: i thought we decided nico had the best cake

 

GhostKing: wait what

 

GhostKing: when did this happen

 

BadBoySupreme: mm cake

Bluefood: i am h urt

 

Wisegirl: perseus jackson, pls point out where you have the booty

 

Bluefood: you should know where it is out of all of us anna egg

 

Goldfish: pls spare me the details of that i am still scarred

 

Bluefood: *annabeth

 

MacaReyna: anna egg

 

GhostKing: anna egg

 

BadBoySupreme: anna egg

 

BlondeJesus: anna egg

 

Lesbiatch: anna egg

 

_ Wisegirl has changed their name to Annaegg _

 

Annaegg: please leo, what was the point of this conversation

 

BadBoySupreme: ehh there isnt one

 

BadBoySupreme: in other news, i walked in on jason standing on nicos back

 

BadBoySupreme: that was a sight

 

Smolace: eXCUSE ME

 

GhostKing: kjhagklfwdso great job leo yoive woken the bear

 

MacaReyna: theres will

 

Smolace: hELL YEAH THERES WILL

 

Smolace: NICO DO YOU JUST DECIDE TO IGNORE EVERYTHING I SAY

 

GhostKing: ive had a stressful week just let me crack my back  
  


Smolace: dO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WILL DO TO YOU

 

GhostKing: nope and i dont give a shit

 

GhostKing: let me to me

 

GhostKing: pls

 

GhostKing: for my birthday

 

Bluefood: ayeeee thats sundayyy

 

GhostKing: it is and bc yall are all broke college kids i expect nothing from you except maybe buying me something at mcdonalds

 

GhostKing: except for you will. I expect your love and adoration

 

PippyMclean: man i love solangelo

 

PippyMclean: can i get you two a dog

 

GhostKing: nO

 

Smolace: yES

 

Bluefood: oh that reminds me

 

Bluefood: mrs oleary is pregnant, you can have one of the babies if you want

 

Bluefood: Sally cant take care of them + a toddler

 

 

Annaegg: bless her soul

 

Annaegg: i miss your mom and estelle we need to visit soon

 

GhostKing: plssss will can we get a puppy

 

Smolace: no thats a terrible idea

 

Bluefood: alright alright i have an idea

 

Annaegg: thats a first

 

 

 

**9:56 am**

 

_ Bluefood to MamaBlofis _

 

Bluefood: hey mom can you keep one of mrs olearys pups

 

MamaBlofis: percy we've been over this

 

Bluefood: its for nico

 

MamaBlofis: in that case, yes. Yes we can

 

 

 

**9:58 am**

 

_ Bluefood sent screenshot.html to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Bluefood: happy birth nico youve got yourself an honorary dog

 

GhostKing: I! Love! Your! Mom!

 

Bluefood: i think she loves you more than she loves me

 

Smolace: yall are fucking stupid

 

GhostKing: yep ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if ill update again before valentines day but definatly a vday update on the way  
> if i do update again itll probably be another short chapter  
> idk do yall prefer short, regular chapters or long chapters that i post every month or so? lemme know


	18. peninis with ellen detergent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i realize i said i was going to wait until valentines day to post again but i just had some weird ass conversations so here ya go
> 
> BTW: JUMANJI & DEGRASSI SPOILERS. ALSO GENERAL WEIRDNESS.. IDK THIS IS A WEIRD AF CHAPTER

**2:46 pm**

 

_ Smolace to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Smolace: lou ellen keeps asking why im laughing so im adding her

 

_ Smolace has added Detergent to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Detergent: licky licky how yall doin

 

GhostKing: why 

 

GhostKing: please dont tell me you eat tide pods

 

Detergent: no its bc the first time i heard of ellen degeneres i thought her name was ellen detergent

 

Annaegg: people eat tide pods??

 

Smolace: yeah ik its stupid

 

Annaegg: beyond stupid

 

Annaegg: those things could freaking kill you

 

Smolace: dont i know it

 

Smolace: nothing like a medicine lesson about the consequences of eating a tide pod

 

Smolace: if only it was as easy as greys anatomy makes it seem

 

BadBoySupreme: zOH WTF YOU WATCH GREYS ANATOMY

 

GhostKing: its how the little shit went into medicine

 

Smolace: says mr degrassi over here who cried for a day when tristan went into a coma

 

GhostKing: tHEY ALMOST KILLED THE ONLY GAY CHARACTER   


 

Lesbiatch: uM IM SORRY ZOE RIVAS WHO

 

GhostKing: oh right i was thinking of glee

 

Detergent: you watch glee?

 

BadBoySupreme: bitch who doesnt watch glee

 

Smolace: nobody as much as Kurt over there

 

GhostKing: um excuse me i am tINA

 

Lesbiatch: nO IM TINA 

 

Lesbiatch: you can be rachel

 

GhostKing: I CANT BE RACHEL ANNABETH IS RACHEL

 

Bluefood: eXCUSE me that is my girlfriend your talking about

 

BadBoySupreme: but percy youre finn

 

Bluefood: oh true

 

GhostKing: i hope you and cory monteith meet the same end

  
  
  


 

**10:10 pm**

 

_ PippyMclean to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

PippyMclean: oh my sweet baby jesus

 

BlondeJesus: you have summoned me

 

PippyMclean: can we just with ben platt

 

PippyMclean: sNIFF

 

PippyMclean: wHAT A BEAUTIFUL BOY

 

PippyMclean: iF A GIRL COULD NUT

 

PippyMclean: yOU BET I WOULD HAVE

 

GhostKing: pepper wtf

 

PippyMclean: pepper

Annaegg: pepper

 

BadBoySupreme: pepper

 

Bluefood: pepper

 

MacaReyna: pepper

 

GhostKing: yes you fuckers i get it

 

_ PippyMclean has changed their name to PepperMcQueen _

 

PepperMcQueen: i have rebranded

 

PepperMcQueen: i am a new woman

 

GhostKing: i hate all of you yall are satanic mushrooms

 

PepperMcQueen: burnt pieces of celery

 

MacaReyna: spoonfuls of tree sap

 

BadBoySupreme: useless paper clips

 

Calyalypso: yOU HUMAN VERSIONS OF A PERIOD

 

PepperMcQueen: oh s hit

 

MacaReyna: after weeks of Calypso never texting

 

GhostKing: is this really what we deserved

 

Calyalypso: yes 

 

 

 

**3:11 am**

 

GhostKing: the jumanji drums are haunting me

 

Smolace: i regret taking you to see that

 

GhostKing: yEAH well i regret taking yOU to see greatest showman considering you run around the house screaming the lyrics to rewrite the stars

 

Lesbiatch: MARTHA

 

GhostKing: COME LOOK AT MY PENIS

 

Goldfish: zoology bITCH

 

Smolace: gasp

 

Smolace: frank

 

GhostKing: bad boy

 

BadBoySupreme: you called

 

BadBoySupreme: thats kinky btw

 

_ Goldfish has gone offline _

 

Lesbiatch: im gonna expose jason are you ready

 

GhostKing: pLEASE

 

Lesbiatch: well some people call vaginas “vagigis” 

 

Lesbiatch: and he asked me is vaginas were vagigis does that make penisis “peninis”

 

GhostKing: i am wHEEZINg

 

BadBoySupreme: pENINIS WTF

 

BlondeJesus: i feel,,, very ashamed

 

GhostKing: you should be 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why im still making these i dont actually know  
> also happy 69 pages in my google docs draft were all children of jESUS  
> (im joking that was supposed to be a vine reference please dont be offended)


	19. skippity doodle nico is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy late vday, day 15, international fanworks day, and whatever else you celebrate. maybe its ur birthday too. happy birthday  
> heres a short chapter that i wrote in 10 minutes and told my mom it was homework  
> thanks again nora for giving me ideas that i didnt use all of even tho i should have

**1:38 am**

 

_ GhostKing to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

****

GhostKing: iM GAY

 

MacaReyna: bITCH WE KNOW THAT

 

Lesbiatch: mE TOO

 

McQueen: solangelo?

 

GhostKing: theres three kind of people in the world

 

GhostKing: piper no

 

McQueen: piper yES

 

GhostKing: and you didnt let me fINISH

 

GhostKing: iM GAY FOR JD FROM HEATHERS

McQueen: might i remind you that hes a psychopath 

 

Lesbiatch: nO

 

Lesbiatch: HE DEAD AND HE BETTER STAY DEAD

 

BlondeJesus: heathers makes me emotional

 

GhostKing: everything makes you emotional

 

Hazelnut: go to bed

 

MacaReyna: mom why

 

  
  
  


**9:54 am**

 

_ BadBoySupreme to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

BadBoySupreme: SKIPPITY DOODLE

 

BadBoySupreme: MY DICK IS A NOODLE

 

McQueen: WHAT

  
McQueen: THE

 

McQueen: FUCK

 

Hazelnut: PG

 

BadBoySupreme: i bed hazel secretly has a cursing kink

 

Hazelnut: what does kink mean

 

MacaReyna: oh

 

MacaReyna: oh honey

 

McQueen: its a sexual preference

 

Hazelnut: ??

 

GhostKing: stop ruining my sisters innocence

 

Lesbiatch: what a good time in this world to be ace

  
  
  


 

**8:52 pm**

 

_ Smolace to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Smolace: do different m&ms have different flavors

 

BadBoySupreme: yes

 

McQueen: yes

 

Lesbiatch: yes

 

Bluefood: yes

 

MacaReyna: yes

 

BlondeJesus: yes

 

Calyalypso: yes

 

Goldfish: yes

 

Detergent: yes

 

Annaegg: what no

 

Smolace: THANK ANNNABETH

 

GhostKing: i argue otherwise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo sorry i just have no time to write anymore


	20. a spring break frazel comeback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres some shit idfk  
> credit to nora for some ideas honestly i cant even remember which were hers and which were mine but i love her with all my heart so yeah hi nora ily  
> and if ur name is nora too well i still love you (but not as much as og nora) (i love her a lot sorry)  
> okay you can read the thing now i doubt you actually read this note

**12:01 am**

 

 _Bluefood to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Bluefood: SPRINGBREAKSPRINGBREAKSPRINGBREAKSPRINGBREAK

 

BadBoySupreme: u know what that means

 

BadBoySupreme: HALLOWEEN

 

Bluefood: its april ??

 

Annaegg: PERCY YOU HAVE A FLIGHT AT 3 IN THE MORNING YOU BETTER GO TO SLEEP

 

Bluefood: YOUR NOT MY MOM

 

BadBoySupreme: *You’re

 

Annaegg: someone please help me out

 

MacaReyna: hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don't mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if u take one more diddly darn step right there im going to have to diddly darn snap ur neck and wowza wouldn't that be a crummy juncture, huh? do yuo want that? do wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if you keep this up well gosh diddly darn i just might have to get not so friendly with u my friendly friend friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy

 

Bluefood: goodnight

 

 

**9:56 am**

 

Bluefood: SOME GUY MOANED IN HIS SLEEP ON THE PLANE

 

Bluefood: AND I WAS LISTENING TO DEAD GIRL WALKING

 

McQueen: pERCY YOU CANT BE TEXTING ON A PLANE WTF ARE YOU DOING DO YOU WANT TO dIE

 

Bluefood: YES

 

Bluefood: im not on a plane tho im at a waffle house with annabeth

 

GhostKing: recite the love simon speech in the waffle house

 

McQueen: dont do it i fuckin hate martin

 

Bluefood: SHHSHSHSHS HAVENT SEEN ITTT

 

Bluefood: ANNABETH AND I ARE SEEING IT WITH MY MOM THIS WEEK JUST dONT

 

GhostKing: im a bad bitch u cant kill me

 

McQueen: i presume youre in new york?

 

Bluefood: yeppers

 

 

**10:43 am**

 

 _Annaegg to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Annaegg: if someone would like to tell me why its snowing in april that would be grand

 

Lesbiatch: half the world is on fire and half the world is frozen so honestly who knows

 

McQueen: is cold outside but im still dressin like a thottie cuz a hoe neva gets cold

 

Lesbiatch: pls stop quoting that

 

Lesbiatch: for my sanity

 

 

**1:00 pm**

 

 _Hazelnut to_ **_fries b4 guys_ **

 

Hazelnut: yall arent even ready

 

Hazelnut: for the frazel comeback of the century

 

McQueen: ooh tell me tell me tell me

 

Hazelnut: frank was listening to deh when i walked into the room

 

Hazelnut: and if i could tell her came on

 

McQueen: aw

 

McQueen: that song brings me to tears

 

Hazelnut: anyway he was like half humming half singing along

 

Hazelnut: and when he turned around he didnt stop singing but instead started singing it to me

 

McQueen: aWE

 

McQueen: jason bought me a bag of kit kats bc he said i couldnt do 20 reps

 

McQueen: but bitch ill do push ups for candy

 

MacaReyna: the only thing thalia and i have done is binge the L word so we can laugh at the 2000s lesbians

 

Lesbiatch: the l word came out 2010

 

MacaReyna: idfk theyre all wearing bell bottom jeans how am i supposed to tell anymore

 

 

**2:03 am**

 

_ McQueen to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

McQueen: wait so who here hasnt had a crush on percy

 

Hazelnut: me

 

Detergent: me

 

Lesbiatch: em

 

BadBoySupreme: me

 

Goldfish: me

 

McQueen: @leo @frank sure hunnnny

 

Detergent: nobody likes percy better than himself

 

McQueen: id drink to that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i though it was still 10:00 when i posted this but turns out its 1 am whoops im so tired  
> but aYE SPRING BREAK I CAN STAY UP LATE AND DO THIS SHIT  
> soso sorry for the lack of posting, my laptop broke and i waited a rly long time to get it fixed and everytime i tried to write a draft on my phone it deleted ;(
> 
> (update: its now 2am bc i stayed up longer to edit past chapters and add a bit more to this one and now im vv tired so i hope yall appreciate my hard work bc i am going to beddd)


	21. lou ellen has a grasshopper fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean, McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfishl: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Elle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i got bored  
> im giving these chapters actual names bc why not

**6:15 pm**

 

_ Detergent to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Detergent: i am outraged

 

BadBoySupreme: oh hi i forgot you were alive

 

Detergent: well now im even more outraged

 

Smolace: why are you outraged

 

Detergent: i wanted to find a grasshopper stuffed animal

 

Detergent: but all amazon had to offer was puppets

 

Detergent: AND I DONT WANT A PUPPET I WANT A LIFE SIZED GRASSHOPPER THAT I CAN CUDDLE

 

Smolace: why the fuck do you want a life sized grasshopper

 

Detergent: dont question me

 

_ Detergent has left the chat _

 

BadBoySupreme: hallelujah 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont mind me just keeping yall on your toes with updates two days in a row and then no more for another 20 years


	22. skippity bop these children should stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfishl: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while procrastinating writing a different fic cuz im just cRAZy like that  
> dont read if u still believe in santa bc yES HE IS REAL AND VERY MUCH NOT DEAD  
> merry chryslar u filthy animals

**7:05 pm**

 

_ Bluefood to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Bluefood: do yall wanna hear a life ruining story

 

Lesbiatch: not particularly, no

 

BlondeJesus: do i?

 

Bluefood: my dad was in a frat when he was in college and one night someone was rly drunk so he tried to climb down the chimney and suffocated and died

 

Hazelnut: D:

 

GhostKing: pardon

 

BlondeJesus: only your dad percy

 

Bluefood: ur just jealous cuz ur dad sucks

 

BlondeJesus: he doesnt suck he just forgets about me and when he does remember me he kinda loathes my existence

 

Lesbiatch: thanks for reminding us percy

 

Hazelnut: DD:

 

GhostKing: quick someone change the topic before hazel starts crying

 

BadBoySupreme: recent google searches go

 

Smolace: ‘why is my boyfriend so emo all the time’

 

GhostKing: you are the most infuriating person i have ever met

 

GhostKing: ‘longest word in the world’

 

GhostKing: in case u were wondering its pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

 

Lesbiatch: christ

 

Lesbiatch: ‘wii song with a pencil’

 

McQueen: why are yall like this

 

BlondeJesus: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

McQueen: that is the ugliest fucking thing pls never use that again

 

Smolace: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Lesbiatch: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

GhostKing: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Hazelnut: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Bluefood: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

BadBoySupreme: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

BlondeJesus: also my most recent google search is ‘smiling shrug emoticon’

 

McQueen: what are you living in the 1900s

 

GhostKing: computers weren't even invented until 1943 dumbass

 

Bluefood: ‘is gordon ramsey related to mason ramsey’

Smolace: its gordon ramsAy you uncultured swine

 

BadBoySupreme: im going to go to illinois on april 11th so i can celebrate mason ramsey day

 

Lesbiatch: youve got to be joking

 

 

**2:03 am**

 

_ McQueen to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

McQueen: SKIDADDLE SKIDUNK UR MOM IS A PUNK

 

Lesbiatch: SKIDADDLY SKIDDAY IM PRETTY DAMN GAY

 

GhostKing: oof thats my new instragram bio

 

Lesbiatch: no dont change it

 

Lesbiatch: “bread, cheese, and homosexuality” needs to stay 

 

GhostKing: ding dong u r wrong 

 

GhostKing: i changed it earlier to “my queer suburban lifestyle”

 

McQueen: i regret ever texting yall at 2am this was a mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are these still good idek anymore


	23. alex is the most fuckable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> McQueen: Piper  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> Golfish: Frank  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> GhostKing: Nico di Angelo  
> Smolace: Will Solace  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> Calyalypso: Calyspo  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> Fuckyourgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took 3 and a half google doc pages a,dzcioxj  
> dw, no burning maze spoilers are in this chapter (tho im currently contemplating what should happen to or between characters)  
> i will warn that the word "fuck" is used quite a lot,,, in case that makes you uncomfortable

**11:16 pm**

 

 _GhostKing to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

GhostKing: so daddy took us to mass today to clean our sins

 

McQueen: will took you to church

 

GhostKing: no shut up

 

Hazelnut: our actual christian ass father

 

BlondeJesus: you call your dad daddy?

 

GhostKing: no i just wanted to say daddy and sins in the same sentence

 

GhostKing: i call him papá

 

BadBoySupreme: papa grande ;)) 

 

MacaReyna: that means big potato in spanish and i feel like you should know that

 

GhostKing: i regret even starting this conversation

 

GhostKing: anyway the priest did that thing where he washes his hands before communion and said something along the lines of “father cleanse my soul, wash me whiter” or some shit

 

BadBoySupreme: kinky

 

GhostKing: and Hazel nearly stOOD UP AND STARTED Y ELLING

 

Hazelnut: THEY NEED TO STOP WHITEWASHING EVERYTHING

 

Hazelnut: WHY DOES WHITE MEAN PURENESS

 

Hazelnut: BECAUSE IM BLACK AND IM PRETTY DAMN PURE

 

BlondeJesus: not with that potty mouth you arent

 

McQueen: the last time hazel cursed she was drunk whats going on

 

BlondeJesus: how much of the wine did she drink

 

GhostKing: barely a sip

 

McQueen: only hazel

 

**3:45 pm**

 

 _McQueen added Bluefood, Annaegg, BlondeJesus, Hazelnut, BadBoySupreme, GOldfish, Calyalypso, GhostKing, Smolace, REDhead, Lesbiatch, MacaReyna, Detergent,_ _MarkoPolo, Gl0w, and Fuckyourgenderassumptions to a group_

 

 _McQueen named the group_ **_who wants to be fucked_ **

 

Goldfish: excuse me?

 

McQueen: so Jason and i were playing fmk

 

GhostKing: great way to start a sentence

 

Calyalypso: whats fmk?

 

BadBoySupreme: fuck marry kill

 

Calyalypso: ??

 

BadBoySupreme: you give someone 3 people and they choose who to fuck who to marry and who to kill

 

Calyalypso: ah

 

McQueen: anyway i would like to share the results.

 

GhostKing: why would you take note of this

 

McQueen: i will be giving you how many times you were fucked/married/killed

 

McQueen: and marriage doesnt include fucking

 

MarkoPolo: a celibate marriage

 

Smolace: i dont think you realize what celibate means but i will not be explaining to you

 

McQueen: Percy Jackson was fucked 3 times, married 2 times, and killed once (that was me)

 

Bluefood: hELL YEAH IM PRETTY FUCKABLE

 

 _Bluefood changed the name to_ **_the fuckable spectrum™_ **

 

McQueen: Annabeth Chase was fucked, married, and killed twice

 

Annaegg: ill take it

 

McQueen: Jason Grace was fucked 4 times, married once, and killed 4 times

 

Bluefood: BRUTAL

 

GhostKing: thats no fair tho, obviously you always fucked him

 

McQueen: nah we did an online generator of everyone, 3/4 times he was fucking himself.

 

McQueen: I killed him :)

 

GhostKing: o kay

 

McQueen: Piper Mclean was fucked 4 times, married twice, and killed once

 

McQueen: Frank Zhang was never fucked, married 5 times, and never killed

 

Goldfish: yay ??

 

Goldfish: im unfuckable tho

 

Bluefood: FRANK SAID FUCK TAKE COVER

 

McQueen: Hazel LevesmnschuzsiDHXZn was fucked once, married twice, and killed -2 times

 

GhostKing: -2 ??

 

McQueen: long story

 

McQueen: Leo Valdez was fucked once, married once, and killed twice

 

BadBoySupreme: thats kind of sad

 

McQueen: Calypso was also fucked once, married once, and killed twice

 

Calyalypso: okay then

 

McQueen: Will Solace was fucked once, married once, and never killed

 

Smolace: hey as long as im not dead

 

McQueen: Nico di Angelo was fucked 5 times, married 3 times, and never killed

 

GhostKing: HELL YEAH

 

GhostKing: FAN FAVORITE

 

McQueen: Thalia Grace was fucked once, killed twice, and married twice

 

McQueen: and you were only killed bc Jason is your brother

 

Lesbiatch: ill accept that

 

McQueen: Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano was fucked 3 times, married once, and never killed

 

MacaReyna: @nico me and you are the fuckables

 

GhostKing: the better version of lunchables

 

BlondeJesus: IM WHEEZINF

 

McQueen: Lou Ellen Blackstone was fucked twice, married 3 times, and killed once

 

Detergent: /nice/

 

McQueen: Cecil Markowitz was killed twice

 

MarkoPolo: what about fucked/killed

 

McQueen: nope

 

MarkoPolo: D:

 

Smolace: id fuck you Cecil

 

McQueen: well youre from texas so shut up

 

Smolace: w hat

 

McQueen: Rachel Elizabeth Dare was fucked once, married 4 times, and killed once

 

REDhead: who killed me

 

REDhead: ill whip you

 

BlondeJesus: i did

 

REDhead: nvm i wont whip you

 

McQueen: Magnus Chase was fucked once, married once, and killed 4 times

 

Gl0w: aw :(

 

Annaegg: its fine him and alex fuck all the time anyway

 

Fuckyourgenderassumptions: pardon

 

McQueen: and my dear friend who ive only met once Alex Fierro was fucked 6 times, married once, and never killed

 

Fuckyourgenderassumptions: wHOOP WHOOP

 

Gl0w: well nows shes dancing around my bed screaming “im the most fuckable” so great job

 

Gl0w: how do i shut her up before Sam gets here and beats my ass

 

McQueen: you dont

 

McQueen: let her gloat about her fuckable-ness

 

Gl0w: says you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was way too many characters in this chapter holy fuck
> 
> also someone pls make an animatic of sincerely me where nico is jaed and jason is connor and percy is evan and when theres the part with the "im sending pictures of the most amazing trees" one of the photos is just a picture of thalia thank you


	24. did u forget about the halloween jercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> WiseGirl, Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> PippyMclean, McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish, Straightsexual: Frank  
> Valdezinator, BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was reading this back (its so cringey f uck) and i got to the halloween chapter (f uck x2) and just,, i felt i needed to bring that up again for some reason  
> apologies for slow updates, i have ideas but by the time all 85 pages of this google doc loads ive already forgotten it (once iget to 100 pages and i cant stand to wait for it to load anymore im going to make a new doc and hopefully update more + summer in 3 weeks yayy)

**6:00 pm**

 

 _Annaegg to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Annaegg: is buzz lightyear always such a dick

 

Annaegg: im only just watching the first movie

 

Smolace: have u not seen the toy story movies ??

 

Annaegg: i saw the ken x barbie scene up until the part where buzz loses his memory and starts speaking spanish in ts3 but thats it

 

Goldfish: i always thought woody was the dick

 

Annaegg: theyre both dicks its what im gathering

 

Bluefood: “thats not flying thats just falling with style”

 

McQueen: why are you watching toy story anyway

 

Bluefood: aM I NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY A KIDS MOVIE

 

Annaegg: we’re in new york babysitting Estelle

 

Smolace: youre in new york just to babysit percys sister

 

Annaegg: obviously not dipshit were visiting sally and paul too

 

Annaegg: and the many schools percy got kicked out of

 

Goldfish: wait i thought percys little sister was named renesmee

 

Bluefood: no ??

 

GhostKing: isnt that the baby from twilight

 

Goldfish: o h

 

Smolace: oof

 

McQueen: Exposed™

 

Goldfish: why arent yall giving nico shit for reading twilight

 

Annaegg: because hes emo of course he read twilight

 

McQueen: bc he gay

 

GhostKing: p lease i would rather be tortured for reading twilight then be called emo

 

Bluefood: but u r emo

 

GhostKing: stfu u hetero

 

Bluefood: excuse me im not even

 

GhostKing: ohh i forgot u kissed jason at the halloween party

 

Bluefood: wat

 

BlondeJesus: wait what

 

Goldfish: oh hey jason

 

McQueen: were u seriously to black out drunk to remember

 

Bluefood: u didnt tell us ??

 

Annaegg: we just thought u were too embarrassed to bring it up

 

BlondeJesus: f uc k

 

Smolace: JER CY JER CY JER CY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: write real shit dumbass  
> my dumb brain: this is as real as shit gets  
> me: shit u right


	25. thalias sexual awakining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
>  Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace: Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont ask

**11:22 pm**

 

_ McQueen to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

McQueen: you know what i want ??!!

 

GhostKing: friends

 

Hazelnut: money

 

MacaReyna: love

 

BlondeJesus: **a life**

 

McQueen: well fuck all of you bc i have all of those things

 

McQueen: what i really want is a medium iced latte with a shot of vanilla bean and a packet of splenda from dunkin donuts

 

MacaReyna: pipes ily but dont drink lattes at 11pm

 

Hazelnut: i said a hEALTHY sNACK rebecca

 

GhostKing: we get it piper youre whiter than i am

 

McQueen: wtf why am i being attacked

 

McQueen: also nico im pretty sure thats racist

 

BlondeJesus: hazel made a vine reference tho

 

McQueen: holy pickles

 

BadBoySupreme: DO YOU EVER FEEL SOMETHING STUCK IN UR TEETH

 

BadBoySupreme: SO U JUST CRONCH DOWN ON IT 

 

BadBoySupreme: AND ITS LIKE A SPICY HELL DEMON 

 

GhostKing: thats it

 

GhostKing: hes gone mad

 

 

**12:29 am**

 

_ Lesbiatch to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Lesbiatch: im a new single woman

 

Lesbiatch: ladies hmu

 

GhostKing: no pls dont break up will and i cant be the only gay couple

 

Lesbiatch: sorry i cant handle reyna anymore

 

MacaReyna: IT WAS FUNNY

 

Lesbiatch: IT WAS NOT FUNNY I WILL SHAME YOU FOR IT FOREVER   


 

Bluefood: kinky

 

GhostKing: what happened

 

Lesbiatch: im taking a music theory class bc why not 

 

Lesbiatch: we have just a mini assignment as extra credit. Super simple, its a “playlist to our life,” where you just name songs and write a paragraph about different things  they represent in your life

 

Lesbiatch: one of the requirements is a song that represents change, and i was struggling on it so i asked reyna for a song

 

Lesbiatch: and u know what that mother fucker said

 

GhostKing: jesus christ what will this be

 

Lesbiatch: she said “put ‘i found a girl’ by the vamps and say it represents your sexual awakening”

 

Smolace: iM WHEEZING BIG MOOD

 

McQueen: i would do it

 

MacaReyna: SEE

 

Lesbiatch: yall are terrible

 

Lesbiatch: im going to find a depressing song and say it represents the day i lost all my friends

 

_ Lesbiatch has gone offline _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally deleted this entire thing when i was trying to copy it over but thank gods for google docs   
> i added the iced latte part bc its my order and i really wanted it (i had it earlier today wtf is wrong with me) and now i feel exposed for having my coffee order Out There™


	26. fursonas and vines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GhostKing, WHOwantlasagna: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Smolace, Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> val, (my little russian lady) this ones for you

**3:38 pm**

 

_ Smolace to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

_ Smolace changed their name to Squilliam _

 

Squilliam: hello chirren

 

McQueen: but why

 

Squilliam: tell me about your day

 

BadBoySupreme: calypso tried to teach me french

 

Calyalypso: he kept saying “monsieura” instead of “madam”

 

BoyBoySupreme: YO HALBO ESPAÑOL  

 

Hazelnut: frank ran into our dorm in a bear onesie and went “its so hot out its unbEARable”

 

McQueen: get u a boy

 

BadBoySupreme: isnt it only like 80 degrees

 

GhostKing: i thought yall were talking in celsius for a second and i was about to yELL

 

MacaReyna: anyway that was extremely entertaining™ 

 

BadBoySupreme: frank is a furry confirmed

 

BadBoySupreme: his fursona is a bear

 

MacaReyna: shut ur fuck

 

BadBoySupreme: dont tell me what to do

 

Squilliam: anywhale i had to deal with the annoying asshat that is my boyfriend

 

_ GhostKing changed their name to WHOwantlasagna _

 

Squilliam: wHO WOULD NOT STOP QUOTING THAT FUCKING VINE

 

McQueen: no need to shout young grasshopper

 

BadBoySupreme: favorite vine go

 

Squilliam: its my little russian lady

 

Squilliam: blease

 

Squilliam: blease get me some beets

 

WHOwantlasagna: i mean

 

WHOwantlasagna: must i elaborate

 

WHOwantlasagna: also

 

WHOwantlasagna: FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS

 

McQueen: blease

McQueen: my ears

 

McQueen: have mercy

 

BadBoySupreme: yup

 

BadBoySupreme: this is a bucket

 

McQueen: “like zero grams of trans fat and oh my god cholesterol” 

 

Hazelnut: according to reyna im the “accept yourself, love yourself” guy 

 

Hazelnut: but i love the seal playing the saxophone

 

McQueen: fitting

 

Goldfish: why dont you just rELAX we’ll turn on the rADIO

 

MacaReyna: that one with the flying lawnmower

 

Lesbiatch: uhh my favorite screamo band is probably big time rush

 

WHOwantlasagna: dusgusting

 

WHOwantlasagna: i hate that vine

 

McQueen: of course you do you emo nightmare

 

WHOwantlasagna: im hurt, really

 

Calyalypso: i like the hurricane tortilla one

 

WHOwantlasagna: i feel like we always quote that one and “i said whoever through that paper, youre moms a hoe”

 

MacaReyna: *threw

 

WHOwantlasagna: first of all how dare you

 

WHOwantlasagna: its finals week and i dont give a shit about my spelling who do you think you are

 

MacaReyna: youre 8th grade grammar teacher

 

WHOwantlasagna: viva la pluto fuck u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert that one gif of miles mckenna quickly doing finger guns* shes back  
> (text fics are my weaknesses tho so this will honestly probably never end)


	27. the most you can expect from me at 1am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> WHOwantlasagna: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no explanation besides what my internet friends and i get up to at 1am on discord shall not be disclosed  
> and no its nothing like that u nasties  
> also as of now this has exactly 5,000 hits whip whip so tysm everybody still reading even when u get this bs

**1:51 am**

 

_ Squilliam to  _ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

Squilliam: i just remembered the girl i met today who told me her name was tess pacito

 

Annaegg: fake

 

Bluefood: alexa this is so sad play tess pacito

 

Squilliam: two tupes of people

 

Bluefood: tupes

 

Annaegg: tupes

 

WHOwantlasagna: tupes

 

McQueen: tupes

 

Squilliam: top 10 anime betrayals

 

Annaegg: not u too

 

McQueen: as they say it down in nebraska

 

McQueen: jeezus chrast

 

WHOwantlasagna: nebrreaska isnt even in the south dumbass

 

Squilliam: nrebbraska

 

GhostKing: wtf did u just type

 

Squilliam: yoke

 

Squilliam: yike

 

WHOwantlasagna: idiot

 

McQueen: yoke

 

Annaegg: yoke

 

Bluefood: yoke

 

Squilliam: shut ur ass

 

Squilliam: that doesnt make sense dammit

 

MacaReyna: go to sleep u little shits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick update before i make like ducks and get the flock outta here  
> jk just a busy summer until august lol sorry ill update soon hopefully at functional hour


	28. this one takes the cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> WHOwantlasagna: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter,,, got real weird im so sorry. i actually wrote the first half a few months ago, and then i finished it about 10 minutes ago. its 1 am dont judge me  
> also this fic wholeheartedly died for two months wHOOPS ive had a busy summer sry fam
> 
> razzle dazzle enjoy the chazzle

**6:15 pm**

 

 _MacaReyna to_ **_argo aye aye_ **

 

MacaReyna: my cousin asked me if i had any money and i told her i had some in my bra

 

MacaReyna: she asked me if that meant i was a stripper

 

REDhead: well are you a stripper

 

MacaReyna: no but we did give me a stripper persona

 

MacaReyna: my name is Electric Blow and my costume includes an electric blue wig

 

Lesbiatch: wheres the link i want to book you

 

MacaReyna: shut up you dumb fuck

 

Lesbiatch: D: dating cancelled

 

Hazelnut: !! heck !!

 

REDhead: rip sorry hazel

 

 _WHOwantlasagna changed the group name to_ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

MacaReyna: anyway does anybody want to come buy and eat a cake with me

 

BlondeJesus: i will

 

WHOwantlasgna: yikes i dont recommend that

 

WHOwantlasagna: i tried to eat an entire cake once

 

WHOwantlasagna: lets just say there was a lot more cakw than i thought there was

 

Lesbiatch: press  to pay respects

 

Lesbiatch: for the cake not for nico

 

Hazelnut: f

 

REDhead: f

 

BlondeJesus: f

 

MacaReyna: f

 

MacaReyna: besides ur like 4’9 and a little skinny stringbean of a person

 

Squilliam: good ass tho

 

_WHOwantlasagna has gone offline_

 

 

 

**6:56 pm**

 

 _BlondeJesus to_ **_heck ne with a chainsaw_ **

 

BlondeJesus: important

 

BlondeJesus: what should we get iced onto the cake

 

Bluefood: yeet or be yeeted

 

WHOwantlasagna: you remind me of a tumblr reject

 

Annaegg: thats a 21st century insult if ive ever heard one

 

Bluefood: i have three favorite pricks- my two cactuses and nico

 

WHOwantlasagna: im glad im a favorite at least

 

WHOwantlasagna: also its cacti

 

Bluefood: go drink a hole full of hand sanitizer 

 

Annaegg: dont you guys usually wait until 2am to start saying weird shit like that

 

BlondeJesus: hello !! cake !!

 

WHOwantlasagna: put “yay” on it like in greys anatomy

 

McQueen: greys anatomy sucks

 

WHOwantlasagna: you suck

 

McQueen: and you swallow

 

WHOwantlasagna: hell yeah i do

 

WHOwantlasagna: spitters are quitters

 

_Annaegg has gone offline_

 

WHOwantlasagna: hit a nerve?

 

Bluefood: maybe nico just has a thing for doctors

 

WHOwantlasgana: nice subject changing

 

Squliiam: are you typecasting me

 

McQueen: will sweetie thats not even what typecasting means

 

Squillaim: damn

 

Squilliam: i watched all of season 7 of voltron in one sitting now my brain is melted

 

WHOwantlasagna: you watched it without me ??

 

Squilliam: oop

 

Squilliam: i got really excited im sorry

 

WHOwantlasagna: ugh cancelled

 

Squilliam: whats cancelled

 

WHOwantlasagna: ur ass

 

Bluefood: watch teen beach movie it makes u feel like ur brain cells are high

 

Squilliam: how would you know how that feels ??

 

BlondeJesus: because you all were SO interested, we decided to not take any of your suggestions

 

 _BlondeJesus sent_ **_thisonetakesthecake.mph_ **

 

Bluefood: what does that even say

 

BlondeJesus: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

 

BlondeJesus: the cake people looked like they wanted to cry when she said it, but they did it anyway

 

WHOwantlasagna: yall are such dorks smh

 

WHOwantlasagna: save me a thicc slice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can confirm that "thick cream" is a common color and nobody better argue


	29. nico is (not) emotionless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> WHOwantlasagna/GayDistress: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is short i mainly just updated so u could read some tea on my life and updates and hhh yea heres a brain dump

**6:29 pm**

 

_ Squilliam to  _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

Squilliam: nico has no emotions confirmed

 

WHOwantslasagna: whats your proof

 

Squilliam: people dont just not cry at the beginning of UP

 

Bluefood: you wot

 

WHOwantlasagna: theyre cartoons they dont have emotion

 

Squilliam: said the person who cried all through most of voltron

 

WHOwantslasagna: jeremy shada cried real tears when they film

 

Squilliam: and youre saying they didnt cry while reading the up script

 

WHOwantslasagna: they didnt even talk in the beginning

 

Squilliam: fine, the animators did then

 

WHOwantlasagna: animators dont have emotions

 

Squilliam: wow didnt realize u were one

 

McQueen: as much as i love watching yall fight, dont you two live together

 

Squilliam: im in class

 

Annaegg: dont text in class will 

 

MacaReyna: yeah nico has a thing for doctors he’ll dump you if you dont graduate 

 

WHOwantlasagna: thats absolutely not true

 

Bluefood: nico only has two emotions: hate and love

 

Squilliam: bold of u to assume that nico feels at all

 

WHOwantlasagna: ruds

 

WHOwantlasagna: ruds

 

WHOwantlasagna: tude

 

WHOwantlasagna: rufe 

 

_ WHOwantslasagna has changed their name to GayDistress _

 

MacaReyna: tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo hah havent updated in a while bc high school started for me and i am Thoroughly Depressed :))
> 
> also i had a lot of inspiration for this when i had friends and now i only really have a few people i talk to on discord and that group chat (if you follow my tumblr (@solange-lol) u may have seen some screenshots) is like living the weird shit of what i write
> 
> also i just watch way too much netflix all the time rather than writing so hm 
> 
> im probably going to say this and then get a lot of inspiration but oh well at least u know if that doesnt happen


	30. does frank zhang is gay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GayDistress: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✨ happy one year of loading message (and chapter 30) ✨  
> why is this my most popular ao3 fic send help

**10:20 pm**

 

_ Hazelnut to  _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

Hazelnut: i have a very important subject i have never discussed with half of you !!!

 

GayDistress: so important it interrupted your 10:00 bedtime?

 

Hazelnut: nothing wrong with getting a healthy amount of sleep unlike you

 

Hazelnut: maybe thats why you go through such intense coffee withdrawals if you dont have at least two cups

 

Squilliam: i dont think thats healthy

 

GayDistress: key word: think

 

GayDistress: will slapped me this is homophobia

 

MacaReyna: hey hazel what was ur very important subject 

 

Hazelnut: ohh !! right

 

Hazelnut: what hogwarts house are yall in ??

 

Hazelnut: im a hufflepuff of course

 

Squilliam: Ravenclaw

 

GayDistress: last i heard u were a hufflepuff

 

Squilliam: yeah well ur a gryffindor which is like the frat house of hogwarts so excuse me

 

BlondeJesus: fellow gryffindor here telling u to pls not stereotype us

 

BadBoySupreme: jason we all know youre a hufflepuff

 

BlondeJesus: no ??? 

 

BadBoySupreme: you cried in the back of our art history class in high school because you were watching the lorax

 

BlondeJesus: IT HAS A GOOD MESSAGE BEHIND IT

 

GayDistress: soft plant child = hufflepuff

 

BlondeJesus: you do realize you just described neville whOSE A GRYFFINDOR

 

GayDistress: aye if ya wanna be a neville then suit urself

 

MacaReyna: nico stop being a bitch

 

GayDistress: ;))

 

MacaReyna: i for one and a slytherin

Goldfish: ooh same

 

BadBoySupreme: sjksksskksks

 

BadBoySupreme: i just choked on my burrito

 

MacaReyna: that actually makes sense ahaha

 

BadBoySupreme: alright whatever

 

BadBoySupreme: im a slytherin too tho so hey snakes united

 

McQueen: oOOOh same !! 

 

Annaegg: ravenclaw obvs

 

GayDistress: nobody who uses “obvs” is  ravenclaw

 

Annaegg: what can i say, you guys are bad influences

 

Calyalypso: hey im a ravenclaw too !!   


 

BlondeJesus: oh man i forgot you were in this chat

 

Detergent: ravenclaw

 

BlondeJesus: I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE TOO

 

Calyalypso: thanks jason

 

Detergent: really feeling the love over here

BlondeJesus: to be fair yall never talk

 

Detergent: to be fair i didnt know youre name until calypso said it

 

Lesbiatch: reyna why did we raise such weird children

 

Lesbiatch: also im a gryffindor too so shut ur fuck will

 

 

 

**1:02 am**

 

_ MacaReyna to  _ **_heck me gently with a chainsaw_ **

 

MacaReyna: i came back to my dorm and my straightner was wrapped around a chair leg hazel wdyd

 

_ MacaReyna sent video.png _

 

Hazelnut: i was just trying to plug in a heater okay its very cold suddenly

 

MacaReyna: but how ?? did you accomplish this ??

 

Hazelnut: idk it might have been franks fault

 

Goldfish: dont blame me im gay

 

Goldfish: i meant to type innocent what the heck

 

Hazelnut: im sorry is there something you need to tell me

 

GayDistress: ONE OF US

 

Goldfish: NO i was just having a conversation about how many gay friends i have so my hands just typed gay oops

 

GayDistress: thats what they all say

 

McQueen: hey off topic but uhhh Reyna why do you have a parking sign on youre wall

 

MacaReyna: OH

 

MacaReyna: Thalia accidentally knocked it over with her car, and then she freaked and shoved it in the trunk

 

Annaegg: isnt that illegal

 

Lesbiatch: extremly, yeah

 

MacaReyna: she asked me what i should do with it so i asked for it as a joke and well

 

Lesbiatch: what was i supposed to do, bring it back?

 

Hazelnut: yes ?

 

Lesbiatch: nah man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half of the time i took to make this was just me waiting for all 96 pages of my google doc to load. i sacrificed my english essay for this update you're welcome  
> halloween chapter will be soon enough and maybe actually on time this year.


	31. "thats called love, nico"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bluefood/OceanMan: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GayDistress: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: oh yeah ill do a halloween chapter  
> also me: *doesnt update until after thanksgiving*
> 
> also lmk if yall dont like the format of this bc i sure dont but i cant be bothered to edit if it means nothing to anybody

 

**2:54 pm**

 

_ Squilliam to _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

Squlliam: Ok google, how do I get my boyfriend to stop sending me ‘send this to your crush with no context’ memes 

 

McQueen: oh mood

 

GayDistress: its how i show my love

 

Squlliam: you can show your love in other ways ?!

 

BadBoySupreme: kinky

 

GayDistress: you shut it

 

Bluefood: nico is too emo he doesnt know how to show affection

 

GayDistress: your nickname sucks

 

Bluefood: i prove my point

 

_ Bluefood changed their name to OceanMan _

 

GayDistress: well clearly you still can

 

OceanMan: its because i feel things unlike you

 

GayDistress: why are all of these conversations about me being emo

 

BlondeJesus: bathtubs are reverse boats

 

GayDistress: i take it back lets keep talking about me

BadBoySupreme: waffles are just pancakes with abs

Squlliam: Glee is just KidzBop with a plot

 

GayDistress: thanks i hate it

 

Annaegg: were you there when Magnus’ dorm hall were angrily chanting KidzBop every time they would walk down the hall

 

McQueen: everyone there is so weird i swear

 

McQueen: like its hilarious the kind of things they come up with

 

Squlliam: i talked to alex once in my life and the only thing “i only keep up with two things in my life: the kardashians and my cholesterol”

 

BlondeJesus: once Halfborn threw an egg against the wall and yelled “MAZEL TOV”

 

BadBoySupreme: was alex the one who said “i hate gay and trans people. not because theyre gay or trans, but because theyre people. god i hate people”

 

McQueen: i think that was nico actually

 

OceanMan: emo

 

GayDistress: what else do you expect from me

 

 

 

**5:18 pm**

 

_ Lesbiatch to  _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

Lesbiatch: thanksgiving was four days ago why is nobody yelling about christmas

 

BadBoySupreme: if you play Africa by Toto at 11:58:33 on New Years Eve, the first “I bless the rains down in Africa” will play at exactly midnight. Start your new year off 

right.

 

Lesbiatch: i said christmas leo, not bad  memes

 

BadBoySupreme: i live to disappoint

 

BlondeJesus: i loved those memes ??

 

Lesbiatch: of course you did dumbass

 

GayDistress: are we doing secret santa this year or nah bc i need to know if i have to visit our father for christmas or nah

 

GayDistress: please say we are i dont want to go home

 

BlondeJesus: we better, its tradition

 

GayDistress: good. I hope i get leo so i can buy him a lottery ticket

 

BadBoySupreme: aw thanks buddy

 

OceanMan: do you not want to go to italy ?? damn i would love to live in italy

 

GayDistress: just bc italian was my first language doesnt mean i live there

 

OceanMan: you dont ???

 

GayDistress: i havent been to italy since i was like 6 years old percy. My father lives in new york

 

Lesbiatch: hey do you think nico thinks in italian or english

 

Squilliam: bold of you to assume nico thinks at all

 

GayDistress: ya know you make me feel something funny in my stomach

 

Squilliam: thats called love, nico

 

GayDistress: or maybe its my pancreas

 

Squilliam: you mean appendix?

 

GayDistress: fuck

 

BadBoySupreme: pancreas is like,, diabetes

 

Squilliam: n. No

 

Squilliam: well yes but no

 

BadBoySupreme: i tried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of the "magnus' dorm hall quotes" jokes are actually a small portion of my out-of-context tech crew quotes. i am so sorry


	32. frank cries and thalia dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OceanMan: Percy  
> Annaegg: Annabeth  
> BlondeJesus: Jason  
> McQueen: Piper  
> Hazelnut: Hazel  
> Goldfish: Frank  
> BadBoySupreme: Leo  
> GayDistress: Nico  
> MacaReyna: Reyna  
> Squilliam : Will  
> Lesbiatch: Thalia  
> Calyalypso: Calypso  
> REDhead: Rachel  
> Detergent: Lou Ellen  
> MarkoPolo: Cecil  
> Gl0w: Magnus  
> fuckurgenderassumptions: Alex

**5:34 pm**

 

_ Hazelnut to  _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

Hazelnut: hello hows everyones day!

 

Lesbiatch: there was a classwide discussion on how the pros and cons of birth control in my psych class my ace ass didnt sign up for this

 

GayDistress: someone stabbed a pencil through the head of an elf on the shelf in my creative writing class so

 

GayDistress: frank was crying

 

OceanMan: i was asked to pair up with a girl named gwenn for a project and i asked who gwenn was

 

OceanMan: apparently ive been sitting next to her all year

 

Hazelnut: oh okay

 

Hazelnut: i dont really know how to respond to any of these to be completely honest

 

 

 

**11:49 am**

 

_ Lesbiatch to  _ **_heck me with a chainsaw_ **

 

Lesbiatch: i was giving a photography presentation and my phone was connected to the screen in order to do so and nico sent me a snapchat and i accidentally clicked it  when i tried to click off and well thanks for that nico i really appreciate it

 

BlondeJesus: what did it say

 

Lesbiatch: he zoomed in on one of the photos that had a chicken in the background and captioned it “thats the biggest cock ive ever seen”

 

Hazelnut: nico why are you like this

 

GayDistress: its what you deserve for giving your presentation on  your phone rather than on a laptop like a normal human

 

GayDistress: besides i heard someone snort

 

Lesbiatch: yeah that was me

 

BlondeJesus: where did you find a chicken

 

Lesbiatch: irrelevant

 

Hazelnut: did your professor say anything??

 

Lesbiatch: tbh i dont think he was paying attention

 

GayDistress: the most iconic part is your snap name for me is “keith kogane” and people still knew who it was

 

Lesbiatch: or maybe because you were cackling loudly in the back

 

Lesbiatch: alright ruin the fun thats fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhhhh send requests for what you want to see more of im hella busy but lmk

**Author's Note:**

> what even is this haha


End file.
